6-7-08 6 weeks old today!

Blake is 6 weeks old today! Today was a much better day. I went up to see Blake around lunch. As soon as I got there it was time for his assessment and the nurse let me change his diaper. Oh my goodness he had the messiest diaper I have ever seen yet on him. It was coming out the top onto his back and out the sides, he was a mess. The nurse started laughing and said I had gotten there just at the right time. After that I got to hold him. The nurse swaddles him and I got to hold him in my arms. He slept so comfortably and high satted the whole time. He did so good and woke up a couple of times and looked at me and then fell back asleep. Of course as soon as I put him back in the incubator he woke up and was wide awake until I left. My brother and I went to Babies R' US and bought a couple of mittens for Blake so he can't pull out his tubes anymore. His doctor said that they pushed his tube back down and he has kept it there today. He told the nurses to make sure that they stay on top of drying his mouth so the tape doesn't get too slobbery allowing him to pull the tubes out. I got to bathe him tonight. He didn't like getting wet of course but as soon as I dried him off he was a happy boy. The nurse informed me that he was going to get to wear his first outfit. He weighs 2 lbs 12 oz. Almost 3 lbs. The 2 lb 12 oz mark is where they allow babies to start wearing clothes if they can handle it well. She brought out this velvet blue preemie outfit that was so cute with little snowmen on it, but it was huge on him. She went back and found that they had just washed a smaller outfit and brought it back. I put him in it and he looked so cute and comfy. Then we put on some of the mittens on his hands so he couldn't pull his tubes out. He sprawled out and fell asleep before we could wrap him up. While we bathed him, he had to be on about 45% oxygen and after we got done she kept turning it down because he was high-satting so well. The nurse taught me how to swaddle him in the blanket. He likes being swaddled to sleep. We put in his pacifier and placed his hands over it to hold it in and then wrapped him up like a burrito and he never even woke up. He was so comfy and worn out he just slept peacefully. By the time I left and looked over, his O2 level was at 21% room air. He was loving it. It made me feel good that he finally had a good day. The doctor stopped me in the hall on his way out earlier that day and told me that since he is still pushing up a lot of food and fluids in his vent tube (the other tube he pulls out that goes to his stomach), they might give him barrium and do an x-ray to see if his intestines have any issues. He is making poopy diapers, but he is holding more food in his stomach and not passing it as well as he should. So overall it was a great day and I am probably going to go back up here in a few minutes so that I can hold him again.

6-6-08

He was in a very fowl mood again today. Today was shot day and we do not like shot day. He got both his shots today, the vitamin A and the one for his bone marrow to help produce red blood cells. So he was pretty much pissed off the entire day. I went to see him around lunch and held him. When I talked to the nurse during the morning she said it might help if I came in and held him because he was so upset, so I did. This evening my brother John came in to stay with me because Robert has to work this weekend. Blake had 7 Bradys (A&B's) yesterday. That is a lot considering he had gotten to where he was only having one to two a day. He had a lot today as well. I felt so bad that Blake was making the nurses work so hard that I made them cookies and took them up there for them while they were closed doing shift change. When I got there this evening he had just gotten suctioned and was getting upset. We got him ready to hold and thought we would try to wrap him up and hold him the normal way instead of kangroo care. He did so great the last time we thought he would again this time. Yeah so wrong. He wouldn't stop crying and was so upset. Then he started building up tons of saliva and started choking on it, so the nurse suctioned him but he just kept spitting up and choking. His tubes were also building up water which was making it hard for him to breathe. I asked if we could flip him and just do kangaroo care and she agreed that would be better because of how much trouble he was having. He calmed down once we got him on my chest. His oxygen fluctuated the entire time. Right when we were getting ready to put him back up, he started d-satting majorly. His oxygen level dropped down into the 40's so the nurse turned his O2 up. He wouldn't come up so she kept raising his O2 until we got all the way up into the 60's on the cpap rate. Now he should be at 21 which is room air. I kept patting him and trying to get him to breathe. I pulled him off my chest and he was completely limp as a noodle and not breathing. I immediately opened up my shirt so the cold air hit him and began rubbing his chest to annoy him to make him cry hoping he would take a breath. He finally started crying and we got him to a level that allowed us to move him back into his incubator. Once I placed him in his bed, the nurse got straight to work trying to get him stable. He had slobbered so much his tape on his tubes came off and he knew it so he pulled one tube back out and the other part way out. I think he got them out twice today. Go figure. He had two bradys while I was holding him and then again when we got him in his incubator. The nurse thinks the first two were from when his tube was coming up and it irritated him. So I tried to help the nurse by holding down his hands and legs because he was so mad and she was trying to retape his tubes. He had two brady's while she was doing it, one was short and the other was over 60 seconds, which for a baby is a long time. We stimulated him and tried everything and we couldn't get him to breathe and bring up his heart rate. Some other nurses were watching closely to make sure he came out of it. They were ready in case he didn't. He had a really hard time pulling out of it. But he finally did and the nurse flipped him over and got him settled into a comfy sleeping position. So I of course left there crying and upset which then raised my already high blood pressure. Then we left, my brother put his arm around me to let me know it would be ok. It was just so hard seeing him struggle as much as he did and be so limp in my hands.
I just called and checked on him and he is doing much better and is resting comfortably. Today has just not been a very fun day overall. I pray tomorrow will be better. No shots this weekend so I hope he feels better and will be happier.

6-5-08

So the doctor told me today that yesterday they tried to turn off the rate on the cpap to see how he would do. That is the part of the cpap that blows continuous breaths in case he forgets to breathe. He did not handle it very well at all and they had to turn it back on. They are going to try and reduce it next week to see if they can wean him off of it. He pulled out his tubes this morning and his nurse had fixed it and positioned him back on his side where is looked really comfy. He threw several big fits today. He is 2 lbs 11 oz. When we went back during the afternoon he was sleeping peacefully so I left for about 15 minutes and when I came back in he was starting to get fussy. I checked and he was wet so I asked his nurse who was messing with another baby if I could change him and she told me it was fine. I went to flip him and noticed there was brown stuff on his bedding by where his mouth was. I turned him on his back and saw that he had pulled both tubes out again and that everything that was in the tubes was now all over him and his bed. I wiped him down and changed him as quickly as possible. His nurse came over and I held him while she changed his bedding. With in a few minutes he threw up more stuff all over himself, my hand and the bed. It scared me because it was all dark brown which was old blood. And it was A LOT! I freaked out. He is not supposed to have that in his stomach. While she was showing the doctor he threw up again. The doctor came over and talked to me about it and told me that because he has been pulling his tubes out so often and they have had to replace them over and over, The tubes are probably irritating his stomach and that is where the blood is coming from. But the good news is it was old blood and not new. He told me they have to keep putting it down OD (into his intestines) because he does not handle the stomach one well and has more problems breathihng then. I was just still so freaked from how blood he threw up I started crying and felt so horrible because there was nothing I could do to help him or make him feel better. He kept gagging on what was coming up and she kept having to suction him. I left upset and calmed down after I takled to Robert. I know he was fine but it was just hard to see. So after I went home and rested, I came back up this evening to see and hold him. He did so great as usual when I hold him. He woke up for a while and then fell back asleep. Holding him made me feel so much better. By the end, he had slobbered so much his tape holding his tubes was coming off. That is how he is able to pull out his tubes, he lubes the tape up and then jerks them out. This time she tried to stick them back on before I put him back, but when I pulled him off my chest and put him back in his incubator, somehow his tubes came right out all over again. He had grabbed onto them and they were so slippery, they just came right out. So Erin and I devised a plan. Luckily we had some of his little socks with us, so we picked out the smalled pair, and stuck them on his hands. Now he has mittens on his hands and can not pull out the tubes. WE HOPE. My blood pressure has been sort of high today. I just called and he still has the socks on his hands, so it is working so far. I just hope he keeps them on.

6-4-08

It was intersting today. Blake has developed the next stage of awareness which is good in a way. Except for he was mad all day. When we went in this morning after dropping my mom off at the airport, Erin and I walked in and his heart rate was over 200. He had his face down in the pillow while his tubes were still turned to the side where his head had been. He was squirming and kicking and pulling at his tubes. I tried to straighten his head back and lay it on its side but he cried and turned it back down. He was not happy at all. He was crying at the top of his lungs. I tried to calm him by giving him a passy, talking to him, holding his hand, his feet, everything and nothing worked. The nurse was over with another baby and told me to give him boundaries by holding my hands over his head and feet. I tried and he didn't want that either. I flipped him over and he had a dirty diaper so I changed it. That helped some. He pulled at all his tubes. The nurse came over when she finished and put him back on his side and tucked him in. We finally got him to calm down and he rested for all of 5 minutes. While sitting there the nurse told me that during the middle of the night he decided he didn't want his tubes anymore and he pulled out both his feeding tubes completely. So all that work they did to get the one back into his intestines the day before went right down the drain and they had to start all over. So after his whole five minutes of sleep, he decided he wasn't happy anymore and started throwing another fit. He ws so red from being mad. We decided to go ahead and she got him out for me to hold because we could not get him to call down. Once he got settled on my chest he calmed down and went right to sleep and rested comfortably. When I tried to put in his passy I could not find his mouth. I kept trying to put it in, but it wouldn't go so I asked the nurse to do it. We have to keep his passy in his mouth because otherwise the air that is going in through the cpap just goes right back out his mouth which is completely point less. So she tried and couldn't get it either. She pulled back the blankets and saw that he had stuck his thumb in his mouth and was sucking on his thumb. It was so cute it made me feel much better. He did good through out the day and they have gone up on his feeds. He did have another fit when I called a little while ago to check on him. She got him calmed down and he went back to sleep. The guys at Robs work took him golfing after they got off today. They saw he needed a break because he was about to have a breakdown he said. It made him feel so much better and I am glad he got to use that time to relieve some stress.

6-3-08

Today was a day I would like to forget. Just a hard day....Oh before I forget. One of my really good girlfriends Felicia had her baby girl yesterday. She was 10 weeks ahead of me...go figure and Blake was the one that came early lol. Hannah was born yesterday morning and was 7 lbs 4 oz and was 19 inches long. She is a healthy baby girl and is officially Blake's new girlfriend :) His Aunt Erin came to stay with me since mom is leaving to go back to Ohio tomorrow. We went to see him and when we got there he was wide awake. He got his first eye exam today and will get them every two weeks from now on. They have to dialate his eyes each time. His poor little eye lids were so swollen because of it. They have to check his eyes for damage from all the extra oxygen. His weight is up to 2 lbs 10 oz. Yeah such a big boy and growing. They pushed his tube down farther and took an x-ray and it showed that it is down in his intestines again finally. Hopefully it will stay there. My little shih-tzu got out again and I recieved a call from AVID micro chip saying that someone had found her. She is having the hardest time with me being gone and has been digging under the fence to get out. The people that found her told me that she was running up to cars that were pulling into driveways and looking to see if it was one of us getting out. My mother-in-law is going to take her for the time being. We have a doggie door for all the dogs and she goes out and just decides to keep on going. Robert and I have also had to make a very difficult decision about our sweet greyhound Melissa. We are going to have to give her back to GPA (greyhound pets of america) so that they can find her a new home. We need to focus on Blake and Rob and I are completely devestated to have to let her go but we know it is best for us. So due to my bad day, I got up to the hospital as soon as I could to hold Blake. That made me feel better. He was so happy to be on my chest and holding him made my night so much better. My mom's best friend Karen came to see him and then I got to give him his bath. He got suctioned and then we left him on his back to try and see how long he would last laying that way. He was doing so well until all of a sudden he got really really mad. He turned bright red, started waving his hands and arms around, kicking so hard he kicked off one of his socks and turned his head in every different direction excpet the one the tube was facing. Then he started crying and tried pushing up on his cpap tube to get it off of him. I tried to comfort him, checked his diaper for any dirtiness, gave him his passy, and even tried giving him boundaries where you put your hands at his head and feet to contain him (which preemies really like usually). Yeah he wanted nothing to do with it. His nurse was over dealing with another baby and he started d-satting really low so I asked if I could flip him over onto his stomach and she said yes. So I did and once I got him positioned correctly, he calmed right down and fell asleep. All because he wanted to be on his stomach. He is such a turkey.
We also bought preemie socks that we washed several times in hot water and shrunk really small. We have started putting them on him to get him used to constant stimulation. There are still big on him but look so cute. He also has a red mark on his face which we can not tell if it is from where all the tape used to be or if it is going to be a birthmark. I hope it is just from the tape. I do not want him to have to go through being teased for any reason at all. I know I hated being teased when I was young because of my glasses.
Oh because I woke up this morning and my bp was still somewhat high, my doctor put me back on my meds, but only half. I am not on 200 mg of Labadelol two times a day and no more diaretics (the hydrochlorothiazide). That is good. Now we just have to see if it will work. It was ok after lunch and in the afternoon until the evening when it shot up really high (when I became upset of course) and then has stayed in the high 90's to 100's the rest of the night. I have a massive headache right now and am about to go to bed here in a sec. Mom went to spend some extra time with Blake at the hospital since she leaves early in the morning. But I am out of the wheel chair and walking everywhere and very slow I might add.
I apologize for this being so long. It has just been a very rough day for me and I am trying so hard to be strong and take it day by day, but when I am being pulled in every direction from both here and home, I don't know what else to do and emotionally I can't handle it. Robert is trying so hard to help me in any way he can, but he is also struggling with all of this. But hey, the good news is Blake has made it to 31 weeks gestational today so we are doing good. Hopefully only 9 more weeks here....XXXX cross my fingers.

6-2-08

I went with out my medicine all day. I had normal bp's all day until the meds wore out of my system and in the evening it went up high. I relaxed and laid down to watch a movie with my mom and it lowered a little but hovered in the 130/high 90's. I did a lot of walking since I had to wean off the wheel chair. They had Blake's feeding tube down in his intestines but in the evening it managed to turn itsef around and work its way back up into the stomach filling up his stomach. Not where we wanted it at all. So they are going to have to try again. My Aunt Cindy came to see Blake. She hadn't seen him since he was born. He has gotten so big since then. Mom got to hold Blake last night. His O2 levels were all over the place all day, but they have been lately so I was expecting that. I got special permission and they wrapped him up really well in a lot of blankets to keep him warm and she got to hold him in her arms outside the isolet. He did really well and was happy to be held. She told him a bed time story "Good Night Moon" and he made faces at her the whole time. It was funny. She walked in really tired and when we left she was on top of the world. I think it made her night. lol. I gave up my kangaroo time so she could hold him and I am glad I did. I was jealous I did not get to hold him like that first, but that is ok.

6-1-08

Not too many changes today. Just a little bit harder with is breathing. The doctor today said he is going to start Blake on a steroid med that they give to asthmatics. Since he takes short breaths and his air does not reach all the way down into his lungs and fill them up, they feel the steroids will not hurt him any. Because of the short breaths, by the time the meds reach his lungs, it will only be a small amount left. So it will help some and not hurt him. He is not as swollen today, but is running higher on his oxygen still because of not having any diaretics in his system. Rob had to drive back to Houston today. I held Blake this evening. He slept the whole time and was comfy but his Oxygen levels were just not stable at all. He was really low a lot of the time. He is just having a hard day. I walked more today. I walked out of the hospital this evening (well I walked behind the wheel chair really slow pushing and holding on to it) and when I got home to take my bp, it was sorta high. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. I have to stop my meds cold turkey and see what happens. Wish me luck! I am also making my mom go see her doctor when she gets back home. Her blood pressure has been extremely high and though she is not on nearly as much meds as I am on, she needs to be put on more. She has been working so hard to take care of me and spend time with Blake, she is wearing herself out. She refuses to go to sleep until I do and then has to make sure I wake up for my 4:00 pump time and every 2 hrs after that. I am going to try and do it on my own tomorrow morning so that I can get used to waking myself up. Yeah good luck right? haha. She needs to rest when she goes back to Ohio on Wednesday, because she sure hasn't done that down here. But I appreciate all she has done and love her very much.