6-25-08

Yesterday his doctor was not there, I am not sure what happened but for some reason he was not able to come in and the other doctor that I had spoken with was there. He did talk to Blake's doctor on the phone however and they decided not to put any extra additives and just go up on the feeds. They only increased it to 11 cc's every hour but they are going to keep raising it as long as he does well. He also said that Blake has been doing great on the level 7 pressure and if Dr. M has not taken him off his cpap by Friday, when he gets back he will consider taking Blake off and putting him on the high flow nasal canular (of course as long as he has done great). He said he likes being the one to take preemies to that next step so he is looking forward to it as much as I am. All the doctors are impressed with the corner he has turned on his breathing, now we just have to get his growth to catch up. He had four A&B's yesterday and five today. I know that sounds like a lot but it really isn't for him. He had 10 on Monday when he was having the problems. I kangaroo held him last night for an hour and started getting dizzy at the end. I called one of the nurses over and before I even said anything she asked if I was ok. She said I was pale white. I told her I was dizzy and felt funny so she helped me put Blake up. Once I started feeling a little better I went home and went to bed. Guess my bp was just a little out of wack or something. His doc was back today but only got to look at Blake a little late this evening because he had two babies he had to perform major surgery on earlier in the day. From what he saw he was happy with Blake's day. At his afternoon suctioning, Blake did excellent. Pete the RT took him off his cpap so he could suction all the nasty stuff out and Blake stayed in the 90's on his O2 level the entire time. He really liked not having those tubes down his nose and throat. He was great each time I held him except for this evening. I held him about 45 minutes tonight and towards the end when one of the nurses and I were talking about him getting off the cpap and how great he was doing he decided to make liars out of us. lol He started d-satting while I was holding him. He never bradied, just his oxygen went down low. No matter what I did to him or how I positioned him he didn't want to come back up so we put him back in his bed and got him tucked in and he leveled off. He did better, guess he just wanted his bed back. I am going back to La Porte for the first time in two months...Wow Blake will be 2 months old tomorrow...well today since it is now 12 am in the morning and I am just typing this. So Happy Birthday Blakey. 2 months, he has come so far. I can't believe how fast time has flown, of course I spent almost half that stupid time in the hospital haha. Anyway, I am going back to La Porte for my baby shower this weekend and I am so nervous and excited. I get to see all my friends and family but I am leaving Friday and won't be back till Sunday. That is the longest I have been away from him. I know he will be in good hands, but if he gets off his cpap Friday I won't get to see him till Sunday. That is ok, all the more to look forward to. I have so much to do when I get home to get my house ready and everything done...or at least a list for Robert to do. Haha. My mom is also flying in for the shower and will drive back up with me Sunday and fly out early Monday from Austin so she can see Blake. Well I guess that is about it. I am going to go to bed now.

6-23-08

So not a good day today :( He began having a lot of A&B's this morning up through lunch. He also had a whole lot of residual in his vent tube which looked like medicine mixed with milk and bile. They did an x-ray to check the tube placement. It was in the right place so there was not a clear answer why he was having residual. They went ahead and advanced it a little further in his intestines just to be safe. The doctor went ahead and ordered for his cpap pressure to be turned down to 7 to see if it would help. Maybe he was getting too much air in his belly making him reflux. It seemed to work and he did better through out the day and only had one A&B. I wasn't able to hold him till this evening because he was not stable enough. His doctor will be back tomorrow but the one there today talked to me for a while. He said he is a little worried because Blake has stopped growing and actually lost 20 grams this week, where he was supposed to gain around 200 grams for the week. He is hovering between 3 lbs 5 oz and 3 lbs 6 oz. The doctor does not want to make any decisions and wait till Dr. M comes back tomorrow. He said that many doctors feel strongly about different ways to promote growth. They are already adding additives to his milk but they can add more. The question is how much. If they give him too much, he will develop an infection in his stomach which can be fatal. It is not a good thing at all. So the question is how much is too much for him. We will see what his doctor says tomorrow. They are also having me try and split my milk from the first part of the pumps and the last part of the pumps. Apparently the second half of the pumps is the fattiest part of the milk and they want that seperate to try and put weight on Blake. I did get to hold him tonight for 30 mins. He was awake for half of the time. I gave him his bath after that where he fussed at me for getting him wet. OH I completely forgot. Last night I got to hold Blake for 2 whole hours. Of course my arm was numb by the time I put him up. He did so great and his temp went up while I held him. That means he was warm and cosy. They worry about his temp dropping when he is out of his isolet bc he can not yet hold his own temp at a normal level. He had a great day yesterday, so we don't know what changed to today, but his evening was a lot better. I guess it was just his two steps forward, and one step back. We will see what the doc says tomorrow when he takes a look at Blake and his chart.

6-21-08 ***8 Weeks Old Today!***

Blake comfy

Blake and daddy kangaroo care

Blake has had a great day so far...it is 4 pm right now. He only had one A&B yesterday and so far none today. He got quite mad at me today when I was holding him because I could not get his passy in his mouth. Everytime he cried he pushed out his tubes. Once I got it in his mouth he was happy and went back to sleep. The doctor that is there today called me a little while ago. He said that Blake is having a great day and he is very impressed with how well he is doing today. If he continues to do well until tomorrow they are going to try and lower his peep from 8 to 7 so a little less air going in. They also said if his tubes come out into his tummy they will leave it there to see if it makes a difference or not. They did not know before if it was one thing or another, but now that he is off his rate they can see if the tube placing makes a difference or not.

When we got there this evening Blake was awake. We were talking to him and at one point he closed his eyes real tight and started to squint and turn red. Then his little eyes filled up with tears. I don't know why but he was very sad. We unwrapped him and changed his diaper and then got him ready for Rob to hold. He felt better at that point. Blake's temp was down tonight. Since Rob is pretty much a walking heater, the nurse let Rob kangaroo hold Blake to try and bring up his temp. It worked, well kinda, it brought it up from 96 to 97.4. We put him in a long sleeve sleep sac and wrapped him up tight. His temp went up and about 4 am it was in the 99's. Well he only ended up having one A&B the entire day. So that is just one on both days he was off his cpap rate and just on pressure.

6-20-08

Daddy and Blake

Cpap- the 8 is the flow air going in and the 21% is the room air, his rate and Pimp are turned off! Hopefully soon the 8 will go to a 6 and then off completely!

Cpap machine

Me suctioning his spit while giving him a bath.

Wide awake while we dry him off..looks like little alien eyes, haha.

Happy boy! More of an accurate size...compare him to Rob's hands.

Blake looking at his daddy after his bath....all clean! Wow he looks big in this picture...wish he really was.

You lookin' at me?

Blake half dressed in his onesie.

Well sorry for not updating for a couple days. I have been at the hospital until late at night (early in the morning) and by the time I get back to the RMHC I am exhausted and go to bed. Let's see. They reduced his rates on his cpap the other day because he was doing a better job of breathing this week. He has had to have suppositories every day to help clear out his intestines. Boy does it ever clear them out. He did have a little more A&B's when they went down on the rates but he was trying to adjust to them. His weight has been fluctuating and today he was 3 lbs. 5 oz. I ran into my doctor in the hallway at the hospital. He is sending me to an Internal Specialist because my bp is fluctuating still and he thinks I have developed Hypertension. That bites if I have because that really increases my chances of developing Superimposed Preeclampsia again. (not just regular preeclampsia but severe.....that really bites). So on to the good news for today. They took Blake off of his rates on his Cpap and went cold turkey to see what he would do. They are keeping the constant air blowing in so that his lungs stay inflated, but he is doing the breathing on his own now. He has done so great today on it. As of earlier he had not had any Brady's at all. This week he has turned a complete corner and has been doing great. I don't know what it is but something kicked in. They told me last week when he was getting over his infection that they felt like he would be on his cpap machine for atleast 4 more weeks. Now if he continues to do well with out the rates he might get off the cpap machine in a week or so. WOHOOO! He looks so big in the pictures we took of him at his bath tonight but he really isn't and is only 3 lbs. He looks like a newborn in the pics and when you see him in person, he is so tiny. It is funny that way. He was wide awake for the bath and did not even fuss that much. He held Rob's finger while I washed him. When his passy fell out of his mouth at one point, Blake pulled Rob's finger to his mouth and started sucking on his nuckle. I started laughing because it was so cute. Earlier in the day Rob held him for an hour and Blake just slept the whole time. He was out cold. Very comfortable in his daddy's arms. I kangaroo'd him tonight before his bath and he fussed until they put him on me and as soon as he hit my chest he got quiet and went right to sleep. I found some teenytiny onesies and shrank them even smaller to where they are the right length for him but are still a little wide. He still blows bubbles and spits up like crazy but who wouldn't with all those tubes in them. Little man slobbers so much they have to change out his tabe constantly because it gets wet and peels up, then his tubes come out, so we can't have that. He was very pale to me the other day but they started back up his other shot for his bone marrow that promotes red cell growth and he is looking a little better. They did a blood work up today and said it looked pretty good. They also added more fortifiers to his milk that gives him extra calories and vitamiins. Anway that is our update for today as well as the last couple days. I get a little sidetracked so I don't always update every day, especially if there are no changes, but I am trying hard to write on here as much as possible.

6-17-08

Well not too many changes in the last two days. He has had some not so good mornings but does better through out the day. He is still at room air 21% which is good but they have not been able to lower any of the rates yet on the cpap machine. Darn-it. It is ok, we will get there. I forgot to say before that they have moved him up in his diaper size. He still fit "barely" in the teenytiny ones but he was managing to pee out of them so they had to put him in the next size up. We have to fold it over to make it fit and overlap the straps but it works and holds it all in. I had a bad night last night myself. My bp started going up (it did it the night before too and I called the doctor and he said to take an extra 100 mg of my pill so I did). So when it started going up again last night I took one like the night before. He has been trying to wein me down, but it is not working to well. After a little bit I took my bp and it had gone up even more to 157/114. I tried to call my doc but he was off last night. I was also having abdominal pain like I had when I relapsed. I think it was just reflux or something because after several hours and half a bottle of mylanta and a roll of rolaids it finally went away and I was able to go to sleep, but I had a lot of drama dealing with the doctor on call for my doctor. He was pretty much an ass and not very helpful. Anyway, my bp went down some, not all the way but enough for me to not stress over it and I went to sleep, but this morning and all day I have felt horrible and ended up napping a lot. I am going to try and go by my docs office tomorrow and talk to him to see what I should do about my meds. Ok back to Blakey. He did not want his cpap today and kept trying to push it off of his nose when I was holding him. I had to wrap up his arms so he couldn't get to it. Feisty little man. His temp was pretty low today. Not sure why. It was at 96, which is not good at all for babies. The nurse put heated gel pads all around him on his body to see if it would help, then we put him in a little flannel outfit that was huge on him, (pictured above). His legs only came down to the part of the outfit where the knees are supposed to be. It was so big on him but helped warm him up. She swaddled him up and put his hat on him. Then she turned up the air temp a little in his bed to try and help. I guess it worked well because when I came back later his temp was up to 100.7 OK way too high now. LOL he just can not get a break. Good thing he was getting his bath, that helped bring down his temp. I bathed him and he did very well, did not cry much at all. He was wide awake afterwards. His hair was so fuzzy after it dried. The nurse had to give him a supository tonight because he had not pooped. Wow did he ever pooped. I went to change the diaper and the clean one stuck to the dirty one when I picked it up, so of course he started pooping even more and it went all over the bed, his outfit and him. Nice right. I cleaned him up, we changed his bed and changed his clothes, tucked him in and he went right to sleep and was out cold by the time I left. He did have a lot of spit up today and was able to blow some ginormous bubbles. I should rent him out as a bubble machine. Some of the pics above are of when he was getting suctioned. They had to change out his tape so I got to take pics of him with out anything on his face (except his feeding tubes). His poor little nose is so stretched out. He looks like a little piggy. The other is of him in an outfit. That is the smallest one I could find, and it is still too big. They are made really wide for some reason. And of course pics of me and Rob with him.

5-15-08 Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to Robert! He is such a great daddy to Blake. We slept in this morning because we did not leave the hospital last night until after 2am. So we were a little tired. They took him off his IV today and this evening upped his feedings to 9.5 cc's every hour. He is still on a continuous feed but is having a lot of residual coming up. He amazed us again today. When we got there, he was laying on his tummy. He decided he was not happy there anymore and put his arms and hands up by his chest and pushed up his entire upper body and head. Then he layed back down and lifted his head up with out using anything but his neck and willpower. His nurses jaw dropped and so did ours. He is getting very strong in many ways. Just wish his lungs would heal. He had several bradys while Rob held him and then when we put him back up. He was just tired I guess and didn't want to work to breathe anymore. Good news is that he is up to 3 lbs 6 oz and is 15 inches long. Rob left this evening to go back home. We will miss him but the weeks go by pretty quickly so we will see him again next weekend. I thought my bp was holding ok with the 200 mg in the morning and 100 at night, but apparently my body didn't like it too much. I took it this evening and it was 145/109. I called my doctor on his cell and he told me to take the other 100 mg. After a couple of hours it took it down some to 139/93. Geeshy don't know what to. Oh well we are working on both of us I guess.

5-14-08 7 weeks old

The doctor called and said Blake had a bad morning. He had a lot of dsats and bradys. They are going to switch up his meds and try something new. They are taking him off of the arithromicyn and trying prilosec and one other med that they hope will work better on his reflux and clearing out his tummy. The docs also told us that most babies at his gestational age are off of the cpap at this point, but Blake's lungs are not developing like they should. They are trying everything to help him and they are coming around, just slowly. They said his lungs can not properly heal until his reflux calms down and he is able to hold down his food better and not aspirate it. They messed with his rates on his cpap machine. They lowered one and upped another. It seems to be working bc he has been around room air at 21% most of the time. Rob saw him last night for the first time in two weeks. He is so much bigger than when he last saw him. We made friends with the couple that had a pair of twin boys next to us in the bay. Turns out they are our new next door neighbors at the RMHC. It is funny how they are directly next to us at both places and are around our ages. Anyway, they got moved up to bay 5 which is the next step up to going home. They were only 34 weeks so are much better off than Blake. A newborn baby is now in one of their spots. I walked in and thought that baby was huge compared to blake and he is only a newborn. I get so used to seeing Blake and thinking he looks big, and then you see a normal size baby and realize how small he still is. He is 3 lbs 4 oz now. He still had some barium contrast in his intestines so they gave him a suppository to make him poop. Wow did he poop. He went through 3 diapers. Oh they are putting the bigger diapers on him now too. They are huge on him but he was peeing out of the other ones. Too much peepee and not enough diaper to hold it all in. lol. Rob held him after he got done pooping like crazy and he felt much better. Blake was wide awake the entire time his daddy was holding him. I caught Rob tearing up and crying a little. He loves his little boy. Him and Blake didn't take their eyes off each other. It was adorable. Of course when I went to hold him later that afternoon he was tired and only opened his eyes a few times to peak at me and then fell back asleep. We went back in the evening to give him his bath. Right before he reached up and grabbed onto this rod that holds a syringe that is connected to one of his feeding tubes. It allows for the extra air to escape his belly. Well Blake reached up and grabbed the rod and pulled himself up off his bed. He did a pull up. He is so strong. It amazed us and his nurse. He didn't like getting wet but loved being clean and was happy after it was all done and he was dry. Oh and he is at 8 cc's of milk every hour

6-12-08

Today was pretty good. He only had 6 A&B's (bradys) That is better than the other day. They upped him from 2 to 3 cc's of milk every hour. Still on the IV. I saw the doctor today and he is having me reduce my meds more to try and wein myself off of them. If it doesn't work, than my body has developed cronic hypertension. If I have developed chronic hypertension, and if I get pregnant again later on, my chances of developing superimposed (severe with HELLP and toximia again) preeclampsia is about 80-90%. If I have not developed chronic hypertension and my bp regulates once the preeclampsia is completely out of my system, than my chances of developing regular preeclampsia are about 50%.

6-11-08 We made it to 3 LBS!

Blake had a hard night. He started having a lot of bradys after midnight. All the doctors got together this morning and had a meeting to discuss Blake. He does better when the tube is in his intestines and he is on a continuous feed so they started that again. He is getting 2 cc's every hour (8cc's over 4 hours) on a continuous feed. He is also still on an IV so that he gets all the required nutrients and fluids. They have kept him swaddled in order to keep him from pulling out his tubes. He seems to like being wrapped up all the time. It makes him feel safe. He did good most the day. When I held him he got a little too comfortably sleeping and ended up having a brady attack and stopped breathing. His lips turned purple and I rubbed his chest but it didn't work, so the nurse started tapping on his foot and got him to respond after a little bit. It scared the crap out of me. I was fine till I saw his lips turn blue then purple. The nurse kept reassuring me though so that helped some. She said he would come out of it and he did. It just took a while. I guess it was harder on me because I was holding him. The doctor told me that there is a "thing" ( I do not remember the name) that is right before the duodenum (the entry to the intestines) that they think is spazzing causing the tube and milk to reverse itself allowing milk to enter back into the stomach. As long as the milk goes down his intestines he does good and does not have very many problems. As soon as it comes back up he struggles to breathe. Tonight he hit the 3 lb mark! YEAH he is officially 3 whole pounds. That is so exciting for us!

6-9-08 & 6-10-08

Nothing really new yesterday. He stayed on his IV and they watched him closely. Today he was much better. His cultures came back with no growth which is good and the antibiotics seemed to knock out the infection he had. So, the doctors decided to start him back up slowly on his feeds, they took him off his antibiotics and is back on the one to help clear out his tummy when he eats. He is getting 4 cc's every 3 hours on a regular feed into his stomach. They are trying to get him used to food on his stomach again. He is still on an IV for nutrients since he is not getting very much food. The nurse told me tonight that the nurses and doctors there in the NICU know of him as the feistiest baby they have. In a way that is good, but also bad because he pulled out his tubes several times everday last week. They were able to go down on his cpap rate to 25. They had taken him back up to 35 because of all the problems he was having, but now they brought him down to 25 (the breaths per minute). He was also at room air (21 %) today. That is great. Well mostly because they withdrew all his feedings and pumped up his rate. His lungs are not having to fight breathing over all the milk he was refluxing and the infection is pretty much gone. Now we just have to get him strong enough to handle the feeds. They are basically starting over from scratch to try and get him to handle them. Tonight he kept pushing back up the small amounts of food they were giving him and his tummy was really hard, so they are watching it tonight to see what it does. He lost an oz but that is ok. So he is at 2 lbs 13 oz and is 14.2 inches long. When I held him this evening, he fell right to sleep as soon as he hit my arms. He had been suctioned right before I got there so they wore him out. When the nurse put him back in his incubator after I held him, he started having a brady attack because water got into his airway from his cpap. He was so tired, he never even woke up during all of it. The picture above was after we got him in his bed and he was passed out cold. He had his little hand over his mouth, it was too cute.

6-8-08

He had a little bit of a hard night after I left. I ended up not going back up last night because I was tired and Rob told me to go to bed. lol. As of 10 this morning, Blake has had 8 bradys (A's & B's) since midnight last night. The doctor called and told me that he started Blake on Azithromycin which is a low dose antibiotic which is also used to help clean out the stomach. Since he was having so many bradys within short periods of time, they increased his rate on his cpap from 20 to 30. I went in around lunch and held him. He was wrapped up like a little burrito and the nurse had changed his little outfit because he had spit up all over the other one. This outfit was so big on him but cute as can be. He high satted the whole time I held him and did a great job.
So I went back to the RMHouse to rest and got another call from his doctor around 4 pm (which is not good to get more than one call a day). He said Blake was having a bad day. Since 1 he has had 6 more brady's. That is 14 total so far. He said Blake was not acting like himself at all and was constantly de-satting and having apnea spells where he stops breathing completely. Some of them would last a whole minute of him not breathing (he still gets air from the cpap machine but it does not fill his lungs completely. He has to do that himself.) So they stimulated him constantly and turned up his oxygen and finally got him to breathe on his own again (well with help from the cpap of course). His doctor stood at his incubator for about 45 minutes watching him closely. His doctor said that they don't know why he is doing this and he might be developing a new infection. He decided to take him off his feeds completely, start him on an IV with fluids and nutrients to replace his food, and they took a blood sample. They are going to run a CBC and a culture to see if any infection grows out of it. They also put in a catheter (how they have one small enough for that little guy is beyond me) to draw urine and check for a urinary tract infection. His temp was low in the 97's earlier and later this evening went up to 99.5 He is not wearing clothes anymore because of his IV and they need to be able to see his chest and belly. They stopped all his other meds and started him on two strong antibiotics. Whatever is wrong with him, his body is not liking it at all and it is showing in his actions and breathing. I went back up this evening twice and held him this last time. I held him really close to me and he snuggled up and high satted the whole time. Oh they have turned his cpap rate up even more to 35 breaths per minute. He really likes to be swaddled and held. He looks so big in the pictures swaddled but it is all blankets. He is still so tiny....and adorable!

6-7-08 6 weeks old today!

Blake is 6 weeks old today! Today was a much better day. I went up to see Blake around lunch. As soon as I got there it was time for his assessment and the nurse let me change his diaper. Oh my goodness he had the messiest diaper I have ever seen yet on him. It was coming out the top onto his back and out the sides, he was a mess. The nurse started laughing and said I had gotten there just at the right time. After that I got to hold him. The nurse swaddles him and I got to hold him in my arms. He slept so comfortably and high satted the whole time. He did so good and woke up a couple of times and looked at me and then fell back asleep. Of course as soon as I put him back in the incubator he woke up and was wide awake until I left. My brother and I went to Babies R' US and bought a couple of mittens for Blake so he can't pull out his tubes anymore. His doctor said that they pushed his tube back down and he has kept it there today. He told the nurses to make sure that they stay on top of drying his mouth so the tape doesn't get too slobbery allowing him to pull the tubes out. I got to bathe him tonight. He didn't like getting wet of course but as soon as I dried him off he was a happy boy. The nurse informed me that he was going to get to wear his first outfit. He weighs 2 lbs 12 oz. Almost 3 lbs. The 2 lb 12 oz mark is where they allow babies to start wearing clothes if they can handle it well. She brought out this velvet blue preemie outfit that was so cute with little snowmen on it, but it was huge on him. She went back and found that they had just washed a smaller outfit and brought it back. I put him in it and he looked so cute and comfy. Then we put on some of the mittens on his hands so he couldn't pull his tubes out. He sprawled out and fell asleep before we could wrap him up. While we bathed him, he had to be on about 45% oxygen and after we got done she kept turning it down because he was high-satting so well. The nurse taught me how to swaddle him in the blanket. He likes being swaddled to sleep. We put in his pacifier and placed his hands over it to hold it in and then wrapped him up like a burrito and he never even woke up. He was so comfy and worn out he just slept peacefully. By the time I left and looked over, his O2 level was at 21% room air. He was loving it. It made me feel good that he finally had a good day. The doctor stopped me in the hall on his way out earlier that day and told me that since he is still pushing up a lot of food and fluids in his vent tube (the other tube he pulls out that goes to his stomach), they might give him barrium and do an x-ray to see if his intestines have any issues. He is making poopy diapers, but he is holding more food in his stomach and not passing it as well as he should. So overall it was a great day and I am probably going to go back up here in a few minutes so that I can hold him again.

6-6-08

He was in a very fowl mood again today. Today was shot day and we do not like shot day. He got both his shots today, the vitamin A and the one for his bone marrow to help produce red blood cells. So he was pretty much pissed off the entire day. I went to see him around lunch and held him. When I talked to the nurse during the morning she said it might help if I came in and held him because he was so upset, so I did. This evening my brother John came in to stay with me because Robert has to work this weekend. Blake had 7 Bradys (A&B's) yesterday. That is a lot considering he had gotten to where he was only having one to two a day. He had a lot today as well. I felt so bad that Blake was making the nurses work so hard that I made them cookies and took them up there for them while they were closed doing shift change. When I got there this evening he had just gotten suctioned and was getting upset. We got him ready to hold and thought we would try to wrap him up and hold him the normal way instead of kangroo care. He did so great the last time we thought he would again this time. Yeah so wrong. He wouldn't stop crying and was so upset. Then he started building up tons of saliva and started choking on it, so the nurse suctioned him but he just kept spitting up and choking. His tubes were also building up water which was making it hard for him to breathe. I asked if we could flip him and just do kangaroo care and she agreed that would be better because of how much trouble he was having. He calmed down once we got him on my chest. His oxygen fluctuated the entire time. Right when we were getting ready to put him back up, he started d-satting majorly. His oxygen level dropped down into the 40's so the nurse turned his O2 up. He wouldn't come up so she kept raising his O2 until we got all the way up into the 60's on the cpap rate. Now he should be at 21 which is room air. I kept patting him and trying to get him to breathe. I pulled him off my chest and he was completely limp as a noodle and not breathing. I immediately opened up my shirt so the cold air hit him and began rubbing his chest to annoy him to make him cry hoping he would take a breath. He finally started crying and we got him to a level that allowed us to move him back into his incubator. Once I placed him in his bed, the nurse got straight to work trying to get him stable. He had slobbered so much his tape on his tubes came off and he knew it so he pulled one tube back out and the other part way out. I think he got them out twice today. Go figure. He had two bradys while I was holding him and then again when we got him in his incubator. The nurse thinks the first two were from when his tube was coming up and it irritated him. So I tried to help the nurse by holding down his hands and legs because he was so mad and she was trying to retape his tubes. He had two brady's while she was doing it, one was short and the other was over 60 seconds, which for a baby is a long time. We stimulated him and tried everything and we couldn't get him to breathe and bring up his heart rate. Some other nurses were watching closely to make sure he came out of it. They were ready in case he didn't. He had a really hard time pulling out of it. But he finally did and the nurse flipped him over and got him settled into a comfy sleeping position. So I of course left there crying and upset which then raised my already high blood pressure. Then we left, my brother put his arm around me to let me know it would be ok. It was just so hard seeing him struggle as much as he did and be so limp in my hands.
I just called and checked on him and he is doing much better and is resting comfortably. Today has just not been a very fun day overall. I pray tomorrow will be better. No shots this weekend so I hope he feels better and will be happier.

6-5-08

So the doctor told me today that yesterday they tried to turn off the rate on the cpap to see how he would do. That is the part of the cpap that blows continuous breaths in case he forgets to breathe. He did not handle it very well at all and they had to turn it back on. They are going to try and reduce it next week to see if they can wean him off of it. He pulled out his tubes this morning and his nurse had fixed it and positioned him back on his side where is looked really comfy. He threw several big fits today. He is 2 lbs 11 oz. When we went back during the afternoon he was sleeping peacefully so I left for about 15 minutes and when I came back in he was starting to get fussy. I checked and he was wet so I asked his nurse who was messing with another baby if I could change him and she told me it was fine. I went to flip him and noticed there was brown stuff on his bedding by where his mouth was. I turned him on his back and saw that he had pulled both tubes out again and that everything that was in the tubes was now all over him and his bed. I wiped him down and changed him as quickly as possible. His nurse came over and I held him while she changed his bedding. With in a few minutes he threw up more stuff all over himself, my hand and the bed. It scared me because it was all dark brown which was old blood. And it was A LOT! I freaked out. He is not supposed to have that in his stomach. While she was showing the doctor he threw up again. The doctor came over and talked to me about it and told me that because he has been pulling his tubes out so often and they have had to replace them over and over, The tubes are probably irritating his stomach and that is where the blood is coming from. But the good news is it was old blood and not new. He told me they have to keep putting it down OD (into his intestines) because he does not handle the stomach one well and has more problems breathihng then. I was just still so freaked from how blood he threw up I started crying and felt so horrible because there was nothing I could do to help him or make him feel better. He kept gagging on what was coming up and she kept having to suction him. I left upset and calmed down after I takled to Robert. I know he was fine but it was just hard to see. So after I went home and rested, I came back up this evening to see and hold him. He did so great as usual when I hold him. He woke up for a while and then fell back asleep. Holding him made me feel so much better. By the end, he had slobbered so much his tape holding his tubes was coming off. That is how he is able to pull out his tubes, he lubes the tape up and then jerks them out. This time she tried to stick them back on before I put him back, but when I pulled him off my chest and put him back in his incubator, somehow his tubes came right out all over again. He had grabbed onto them and they were so slippery, they just came right out. So Erin and I devised a plan. Luckily we had some of his little socks with us, so we picked out the smalled pair, and stuck them on his hands. Now he has mittens on his hands and can not pull out the tubes. WE HOPE. My blood pressure has been sort of high today. I just called and he still has the socks on his hands, so it is working so far. I just hope he keeps them on.

6-4-08

It was intersting today. Blake has developed the next stage of awareness which is good in a way. Except for he was mad all day. When we went in this morning after dropping my mom off at the airport, Erin and I walked in and his heart rate was over 200. He had his face down in the pillow while his tubes were still turned to the side where his head had been. He was squirming and kicking and pulling at his tubes. I tried to straighten his head back and lay it on its side but he cried and turned it back down. He was not happy at all. He was crying at the top of his lungs. I tried to calm him by giving him a passy, talking to him, holding his hand, his feet, everything and nothing worked. The nurse was over with another baby and told me to give him boundaries by holding my hands over his head and feet. I tried and he didn't want that either. I flipped him over and he had a dirty diaper so I changed it. That helped some. He pulled at all his tubes. The nurse came over when she finished and put him back on his side and tucked him in. We finally got him to calm down and he rested for all of 5 minutes. While sitting there the nurse told me that during the middle of the night he decided he didn't want his tubes anymore and he pulled out both his feeding tubes completely. So all that work they did to get the one back into his intestines the day before went right down the drain and they had to start all over. So after his whole five minutes of sleep, he decided he wasn't happy anymore and started throwing another fit. He ws so red from being mad. We decided to go ahead and she got him out for me to hold because we could not get him to call down. Once he got settled on my chest he calmed down and went right to sleep and rested comfortably. When I tried to put in his passy I could not find his mouth. I kept trying to put it in, but it wouldn't go so I asked the nurse to do it. We have to keep his passy in his mouth because otherwise the air that is going in through the cpap just goes right back out his mouth which is completely point less. So she tried and couldn't get it either. She pulled back the blankets and saw that he had stuck his thumb in his mouth and was sucking on his thumb. It was so cute it made me feel much better. He did good through out the day and they have gone up on his feeds. He did have another fit when I called a little while ago to check on him. She got him calmed down and he went back to sleep. The guys at Robs work took him golfing after they got off today. They saw he needed a break because he was about to have a breakdown he said. It made him feel so much better and I am glad he got to use that time to relieve some stress.

6-3-08

Today was a day I would like to forget. Just a hard day....Oh before I forget. One of my really good girlfriends Felicia had her baby girl yesterday. She was 10 weeks ahead of me...go figure and Blake was the one that came early lol. Hannah was born yesterday morning and was 7 lbs 4 oz and was 19 inches long. She is a healthy baby girl and is officially Blake's new girlfriend :) His Aunt Erin came to stay with me since mom is leaving to go back to Ohio tomorrow. We went to see him and when we got there he was wide awake. He got his first eye exam today and will get them every two weeks from now on. They have to dialate his eyes each time. His poor little eye lids were so swollen because of it. They have to check his eyes for damage from all the extra oxygen. His weight is up to 2 lbs 10 oz. Yeah such a big boy and growing. They pushed his tube down farther and took an x-ray and it showed that it is down in his intestines again finally. Hopefully it will stay there. My little shih-tzu got out again and I recieved a call from AVID micro chip saying that someone had found her. She is having the hardest time with me being gone and has been digging under the fence to get out. The people that found her told me that she was running up to cars that were pulling into driveways and looking to see if it was one of us getting out. My mother-in-law is going to take her for the time being. We have a doggie door for all the dogs and she goes out and just decides to keep on going. Robert and I have also had to make a very difficult decision about our sweet greyhound Melissa. We are going to have to give her back to GPA (greyhound pets of america) so that they can find her a new home. We need to focus on Blake and Rob and I are completely devestated to have to let her go but we know it is best for us. So due to my bad day, I got up to the hospital as soon as I could to hold Blake. That made me feel better. He was so happy to be on my chest and holding him made my night so much better. My mom's best friend Karen came to see him and then I got to give him his bath. He got suctioned and then we left him on his back to try and see how long he would last laying that way. He was doing so well until all of a sudden he got really really mad. He turned bright red, started waving his hands and arms around, kicking so hard he kicked off one of his socks and turned his head in every different direction excpet the one the tube was facing. Then he started crying and tried pushing up on his cpap tube to get it off of him. I tried to comfort him, checked his diaper for any dirtiness, gave him his passy, and even tried giving him boundaries where you put your hands at his head and feet to contain him (which preemies really like usually). Yeah he wanted nothing to do with it. His nurse was over dealing with another baby and he started d-satting really low so I asked if I could flip him over onto his stomach and she said yes. So I did and once I got him positioned correctly, he calmed right down and fell asleep. All because he wanted to be on his stomach. He is such a turkey.
We also bought preemie socks that we washed several times in hot water and shrunk really small. We have started putting them on him to get him used to constant stimulation. There are still big on him but look so cute. He also has a red mark on his face which we can not tell if it is from where all the tape used to be or if it is going to be a birthmark. I hope it is just from the tape. I do not want him to have to go through being teased for any reason at all. I know I hated being teased when I was young because of my glasses.
Oh because I woke up this morning and my bp was still somewhat high, my doctor put me back on my meds, but only half. I am not on 200 mg of Labadelol two times a day and no more diaretics (the hydrochlorothiazide). That is good. Now we just have to see if it will work. It was ok after lunch and in the afternoon until the evening when it shot up really high (when I became upset of course) and then has stayed in the high 90's to 100's the rest of the night. I have a massive headache right now and am about to go to bed here in a sec. Mom went to spend some extra time with Blake at the hospital since she leaves early in the morning. But I am out of the wheel chair and walking everywhere and very slow I might add.
I apologize for this being so long. It has just been a very rough day for me and I am trying so hard to be strong and take it day by day, but when I am being pulled in every direction from both here and home, I don't know what else to do and emotionally I can't handle it. Robert is trying so hard to help me in any way he can, but he is also struggling with all of this. But hey, the good news is Blake has made it to 31 weeks gestational today so we are doing good. Hopefully only 9 more weeks here....XXXX cross my fingers.

6-2-08

I went with out my medicine all day. I had normal bp's all day until the meds wore out of my system and in the evening it went up high. I relaxed and laid down to watch a movie with my mom and it lowered a little but hovered in the 130/high 90's. I did a lot of walking since I had to wean off the wheel chair. They had Blake's feeding tube down in his intestines but in the evening it managed to turn itsef around and work its way back up into the stomach filling up his stomach. Not where we wanted it at all. So they are going to have to try again. My Aunt Cindy came to see Blake. She hadn't seen him since he was born. He has gotten so big since then. Mom got to hold Blake last night. His O2 levels were all over the place all day, but they have been lately so I was expecting that. I got special permission and they wrapped him up really well in a lot of blankets to keep him warm and she got to hold him in her arms outside the isolet. He did really well and was happy to be held. She told him a bed time story "Good Night Moon" and he made faces at her the whole time. It was funny. She walked in really tired and when we left she was on top of the world. I think it made her night. lol. I gave up my kangaroo time so she could hold him and I am glad I did. I was jealous I did not get to hold him like that first, but that is ok.

6-1-08

Not too many changes today. Just a little bit harder with is breathing. The doctor today said he is going to start Blake on a steroid med that they give to asthmatics. Since he takes short breaths and his air does not reach all the way down into his lungs and fill them up, they feel the steroids will not hurt him any. Because of the short breaths, by the time the meds reach his lungs, it will only be a small amount left. So it will help some and not hurt him. He is not as swollen today, but is running higher on his oxygen still because of not having any diaretics in his system. Rob had to drive back to Houston today. I held Blake this evening. He slept the whole time and was comfy but his Oxygen levels were just not stable at all. He was really low a lot of the time. He is just having a hard day. I walked more today. I walked out of the hospital this evening (well I walked behind the wheel chair really slow pushing and holding on to it) and when I got home to take my bp, it was sorta high. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. I have to stop my meds cold turkey and see what happens. Wish me luck! I am also making my mom go see her doctor when she gets back home. Her blood pressure has been extremely high and though she is not on nearly as much meds as I am on, she needs to be put on more. She has been working so hard to take care of me and spend time with Blake, she is wearing herself out. She refuses to go to sleep until I do and then has to make sure I wake up for my 4:00 pump time and every 2 hrs after that. I am going to try and do it on my own tomorrow morning so that I can get used to waking myself up. Yeah good luck right? haha. She needs to rest when she goes back to Ohio on Wednesday, because she sure hasn't done that down here. But I appreciate all she has done and love her very much.