5-31-08

Yesterday, we got to have back one of our favorite nurses and Blake greeted her with the "biggest poopy diaper" that she said she had ever seen on a preemie his size. It was so bad she had to change his bedding because it got all over everything. Robert laughed and said "That's my boy!" Gross. I don't know if I said this in the day before, but the doctor took him off his diaretics. They said that his sodium is too low and is remaining low no matter the amount they try to suppliment him with because he is releasing so much fluid. So they stopped the diaretic meds so that his body can normalize. The down side to it is that now he has to have more oxygen given to him. The diaretics were helping him to get rid of water that is on his lungs. Without the meds, the water sits on his lungs making it harder to breathe so that he needs more oxygen. He is also retaining fluid so his little legs and feet are so swolen, but according to one of the nurses he looks better than he did last night. She said his hands were swollen and his feet were much worse, so he is releasing it slowly. That is good. I just feel so bad for him. So for one trade off we have to have another. He is now up to 2 lbs 5 oz. He has gained a whole pound since birth 5 weeks ago. I can not believe it has already been that long. Of course I was in the hospital for 3 weeks of that time. lol I started trying to walk a little more today. My bp didn't like that too much and went up, but I rested and got it back down so it's all good. So Robert got to kangaroo hold Blake tonight. He was soooo nervous and the first few pictures I took show it in his face. Poor thing I rubbed his neck and back and did everything I could to get him to relax. He finally did and enjoyed every minute of getting to hold his son. Robert is a human heater and when we went to take Blake off him to put back in the incubator they were both sweaty. But Blake enjoyed himself. It took him a little while to get used to being on someone new, but once he got comfy he went to sleep and rested nicely. He stayed awake for a long time and then would go in and out of conciousness to see what was going on. Some of the nurses from the front made him a little knitted hat. It is almost too small for him now. Oh and he is soon going to out grow the tiny diapers he has been in. His little tummy is getting big and the straps are barely reaching around. Robert is going home tomorrow. His stay went so fast. On top of all that my dog Mason has a horrible ear infection and his tear ducts are not working and his eyes are clotting up so my mother-in-law had to take him to the vet and that cost $300 we hadn't planned on. They said if they can not get the infection to heal, they are going to have to amputate his ear because it is so bad. I feel so horrible, because while I was home before all this I was able to care for his ears every day as usual, but being up here I have not been able to so it has just gotten worse and worse and now I can not take care of him because I am taking care of Blake. Mason was our "first baby" Robert got him for my birthday when we started dating. I feel bad that I can't be in both places at once.

Oh and the last thing on Blake. His eyes and movement are developing more and more. When the RT came to suction him tonight, she pulled back the cover from his isolet and turned on the overhead light which is really bright. He was laying on his back looking straight up and when the light came on he immediately turned his head away from the light and towards us with a mad look on his face. The OT gave us a list with things he should be able to do by certain times and he is up to date on most, behind on others and ahead on one: movement. He shouldn't be able to turn his head from midline to side until 33 weeks and he is 30 1/2. That is really good that he is ahead on that. He is so feisty and wants things his way. It is amazing how big he looks to us but is still so tiny. Every day is a real blessing.

5-29-08

We were on a rollercoaster today. His oxygen sats were kind of all over the place. Having the feeding tube in his intestines definitely helped with his breathing. Now that it came out and is back in his stomach, it is showing a big difference and his breathing has worsened. Hopefully the tube will work its way back down into the intestines and his breathing will improve again. They took him off the antibiotics today and are increasing his sodium suppliment in his feeds. I got to hold him for about 45 minutes today. Then, I got to put him back into the incubator for the first time by myself. The nurse stood by to help with the chords. Of course as soon as we got done, he had a poopy diaper and needed to be changed. The nurse laughed and said he must be really comfotable to go potty while laying on my chest. We ran into my doctor in the halls at the hospital today and he said it was ok for me to walk a little around the house and NICU. He said to do it in baby steps. I am so tired of not being able to take care of myself so he is allowing me to get out of the wheel chair from time to time using baby steps to try and see how my body handles it. I did ok a couple times while in the NICU and around the house, but then my body started wearing out and my bp went up some so that was enough for me and mom made me get back in the wheel chair and sit down. I am struggling to keep up with Blake on milk. This bp medicine is draining me of fluids and if I can ever get off of it, they are not sure that my body will recover and produce more. That stinks for me because it makes me feel like a failure when I see all these moms bringing in completely filled bottles to their babies and mine are like one quarter filled. There is a medicine that moms can use to promote milk, but I can not get on it due to my bp and even when it settles down they said I still can not take it. I am even getting up around 3am to start pumping and every two hours there after to try and get in enough pumps. Robert is coming up tomorrow and sometime this weekend is going to get to hold Blake if he wants. They said he can start kangarooing as well. He is so excited. The nurses love Blake. The charge nurse told us today that several nurses have requested to be scheduled with Blake because he is such a doll. He's our little man. They are going to try and start scheduling him with a block of certain nurses. That way, we do not have to go through too many 'one-time' nurses and have to explain his background of likes and dislikes to each one that comes through. We will have more of a stable communication line and they will know him like the back of their hands. That made me feel better since we are going to be here for so long. They have all been wonderful...each member of the staff and we appreciate all they are doing for him and the great care they are giving him.

5-27-08 & 5-28-08

There weren't too many changes yesterday. Today we spent all day up at the hospital. He was very unstable this morning and around lunch time. He got his shots this morning so he was probably still upset from that. The doctor called me and said that they lowered his feedings a little because he has too much electrolytes and is releasing too much fluids so they want to be able to cut back on the diaretics. So in order to they cut back his feedings. Part of his blood work looks better but there is one other part that shows inflimation so they are going to keep him on another two days worth of antibiotics and then they will probably take him off of it as long as everything looks good. They did a catscan on his brain tissue. It is the 30 day scan to check and see if any of his brain tissue was damaged. It turned out great. No problems and no damage. We are very happy about that. So we were up there from 1pm till 10 pm this evening. The NICU shuts down between certain times to allow for rounds and shift changes. So during one of those times we went down to the admin office to find out info on Blake's social security disability paperwork that we have been waiting on. The lady we had been working with called the austin office to find out why we hadn't heard from them yet. Apparently the Pasadena office that was supposed to send our paperwork here never did and it is missing. Along with that, they deleted our account information from the system completely. So all the work we had done to get the disability for Blake that he qualifies for is gone. Robert is going to have to go back down there and find out who messed up. He is of course not happy right now. All of our originals are gone and can not be found. When preemies are born under 2 lbs they qualify for disability. It is pretty much like getting Medicaid that will cover all the extra bills that our insurance does not cover. With out it we will have to pay A LOT of extra money. SO that is of course one more stress on me. I am trying to not worry about it and just work through it with my mom's help. After all that drama, we went back so I could kangaroo Blake. The nurse had just changed him and of course while I was holding him he pooped so I had to change it again. At 6 we went to a meeting for parents and we met with that Speech Therapist. She gave us really good information on the different developmental stages of preemies and how they are completely different than term babies. Once Blake finally reaches his 40 gestational weeks he will start over and be considered 0 weeks corrected. So he might be 4 months but will be 0 corrected weeks. That is so crazy. They also taught us about self soothing signals, stress signals, rooting (when he searches for something to suck on) and other things.
So when we came back to the bay where his incubator is, he was wide awake and she was getting him ready for me to bath him. When he heard my voice he turned his head all the way to the side to where he could "see" me. The nurse went to lower his incubator down some so that I could reach easier and still sit down if I needed while bathing him. When she did, the feeding machine that is connected to his feeding tube that goes into his intestines managed to vibrate itself right off the counter and hit the floor. When it did it jerked his feeding tube straight out of his intestines and out the mouth. He jumped cause it scared him but he didn't cry or anything. I can't imagine how that must have felt. A tube getting pulled out your intestines and throat really fast. I hope it did not hurt him. He did not seem to act like it did. There is nothing sharp it is just a small skinny tube so the nurse said if anything it would have given him a wierd feeling. I then got to bath him and he of course got upset when the water hit him but calmed down after that. After I bathed him, dried him off, and put on his new diaper he decided he was happy. When the nurse changed out his bedding my mom got to hold him up in her hands so she was happy too. The nurse had to put his tubing back down his throat. Every time she stuck her gloved fingers into his mouth he started sucking on them. We started laughing cause it was so cute. He would take his fingers and stick them in his mouth and try to suck on them. He is showing multiple signs of self soothing which is great. He is also now able to turn his head from one side of the mat all the way over when he is laying on his back. He is building up those muscles. He is going to be so strong and he is already showing what a fighter he is. His eyes are still dialated, but because he had them so wide open tonight we got to see the blue in his eyes. We will see if they change color or not since most all babies are born with blue eyes. He is looking cuter every day. Oh yea he has gained weight. He is up to 2 lbs 4 oz. We are almost at a pound gained. YEAH!

5-26-08

Ok I found out today I have been calling apneas the wrong name. A&B's are apneas and brachycardias and I have been calling the B's the apneas. When I talk about the apneas I should have been saying Brachacardia's or just A&B's so I aplogize for that. I have been mixed up when it comes to the technical terms. I am still learning. So from now on I will say the correct names. I figured this out when I asked his evening nurse how many apneas he has had and she said 10 since her shift started at 7. I totally freaked out. Then once I calmed down I asked her 10 heart rate drops and she said no. So that is when she explained the correct terms to me. We went to see him around lunch and they had lowered some of his rates on his c-pap machine and was also at 21 % room air when we walked in so I was totally excited. I held him and my brother and sister-in-law and my brother's best friend came to see Blake. They each came in one at a time while I was holding him. He woke up for a little bit and then fell back asleep. He high-satted the entire time. He gave me a nice poopy diaper to change once I got done holding him. We left and went back to the house so Rob could get ready to drive home before it got dark. I called to check on him a little while ago and he has been having a hard evening. They had to turn back up the levels on his c-pap machine. He was having a bunch of d-sat episodes. They think he is getting sick and developing a new infection so the doctor started him on antibiotics. I was debating going up and seeing him or going to bed and the nurse told me that I should rest because there is nothing I can do right now. I feel like I should be there because he high sats when I am there but then when I leave his sats drop, so I figured that would be bad for him after all. I want him to stay as stable as possible.

5-25-08

Luckily the nurse ended up having just enough milk left to feed Blake through the night and morning. We got back just in time to bring in milk for the next feeding. When we came in he was high satting and was on 22% oxygen. YEAH! That is what we want. He had been floating through out the day between 22-28 the nurse said. I held him and he did such a great job. Rob's mom Marie and my mom both saw him awake while I held him. He stayed in the 90's pretty much the entire time on his levels. He got upset when the nurse took him off my chest to put him up in his isolet. After we went back to the house and got some rest Robert and I came went back up to see Blake for his bath. I got to give it to him again. He only got upset when I would squeeze the warm water on his tummy. The whole time I was washing him, he just looked at me. Robert was standing behind me so when he poked his head around my shoulder and said something Blake turned his head a little bit and looked back to where Robert was standing. It was too cute. He was wide awake the whole bath and after. He was very calm and relaxed as I washed him. He just did not like me rinsing him off. Once I dried him and wrapped him up he was happy again. The nurse weighed him and he was 2 lbs 2 oz. Because of the diaretics he is on he has been losing some weight. But he is now 14 inches long, so he is growing. When the nurse does her assessment, I moved around to the other side of the isolet to hold his little hand. His face was turned toward her so when she finished I decided to move back around to the other side so he could see me. When I let go of him and went to grab the chair to move around he started to d-sat and then went into an apnea spell. I opened up the side and started to pat his back and he began to come up some. The nurse rushed in on the other side so I backed off and started talking to him. It took him a while to come out of it. His heart rate went up to 100 and then dropped again and then rose aned dropped several more times. He struggled to pull out of it, but once he finally did, he stayed stable. The RT came to do his suctioning after that. He had a lot of thick mucus that was giving him a hard time. He had an easier time breathing after she suctioned him. He did a great job on his back. That was the longest he has been on his back to date and tolerated it pretty well. We left once he was on his tummy and passed out sleeping. All that work wore him out. My bp on the other hand has stayed in the 90's today. At least it is not any higher than that. It is on its way down.

5-24-08

Blake has been having better days. He went all yesterday without any apneas and then at 10 pm he ended up having 4 within two hours. Oh well that is ok he did great during the day. The shower was great. I got to see all my family. The bad part was my blood pressure sky rocketed. I don't know why. I was sitting almost the entire time. I had to end up going to the bedroom and laying down because it wouldn't stop going up even with me sitting down resting and then laying on the couch. I then laid on the bed and it still was rising so we had to call my doctor's cell. He called us back and he was also out of town so he put in a call to the doctor on call at the hospital. That doctor called us and had me take extra Labadelol. It helped and my bp slowly dropped. By that night we had the bottom number down into the 90's which is way better than what it was. I have to go back and see my doctor on Tuesday. But I enjoyed seeing all my family. Blake is 4 weeks old today. Yeah! Oh the nurse called me and let me know that Blake was out of milk. Ok so I am in Kerville and have no way of getting milk to them. Because I am on diastolics for meds my milk is being drained from me. Since they upped his feedings I am having the hardest time keeping up with him. We tried to call several people that are staying at the Ronald McDonald house to see if they could take some in, but we never got ahold of them. I had to end up giving the nurses the ok to use donor milk from mom's who overproducec and donate it to the "milk bank". They filter the milk and then use it for moms like me. Talk about depressing that I can not keep up.

5-23-08

Robert came in today. I was so glad to see him. Poor thing has been sick this week and has been doing everything in his power to get better so he can see Blake. I went and saw Blake with my mom while Robert rested. He can not go up there until Sunday. He has to be on his antibiotics for at least 6 days. So when I went up there this afternoon I held him and he did great. He has had a pretty great day. No apneas today! YEAH and his oxygen has been between 26-31 percent. He stayed awake (in and out of consciouness) almost the entire time I held him. I would talk to him and kiss the top of his head and I could see his eyes moving. My mom said everytime I did that he tried to look up to see me. He was so cute, just staring as long as he could and then falling back asleep for a few minutes. He is such a joy. He high-satted the entire time I held him and got mad when they went to put him back in his bed. My mom was excited because she got to take him out of his isolate and put him back up. She can not decide on what she wants to be called. She keeps changing her mind. First it was Granna, then Nana and now Grammy. Oooy, what do I do with her. Lol. Since Robert can not see him till Sunday, we have decided to stay the night at my aunt's house tomorrow night after the shower and visit with family, then return Sunday to see Blake. Of course I am making them take me by the hospital before we leave in the morning to see him. I can not go a whole day with out seeing his little face. His hair is getting thicker every day. Robert made the comment when he saw the newest pictures that Blake is finally starting to look like a baby and not a little old man. lol Good thing Monday is a holiday. This way Rob will be able to see Blake Sunday and Monday since he can't till then.

5-22-08

I went to see Blake this afternoon and got to hold him for almost an hour. He did so good. He was awake for a little bit and then went to sleep and slept soundly and calmly on my chest. His oxygen level stayed in the 80's and 90's the entire time. He didn't get upset till we took him off my chest. He wasn't happy about that. The doctors changed one of his meds that he gets. Before he was getting doses of caffeine daily because his body did not have enough, but they have changed it to another medicine that does the same thing as caffeine but also helps the lungs develop some. He has been doing good today on the continuous feed. This morning they took an x-ray and his tube had not yet passed into the intestine, but then this evening the next one they took showed it was starting to enter the intestines. That is good because they want it in the intestines so that the milk goes directly there and does not build up in the stomach and cause reflux and aspirations like it has been doing. He gained another ounce and is at 2 lbs 3 oz. and getting bigger every day. It is so crazy how he is still so tiny but to me he looks so much bigger. This evening when I saw his oxygen was at 26 which is good. He has been between 28-35. The closer we get to 21 the better. We want to be at room oxygen which is 21. Right before he got suctioned, we changed his diaper and he went through three diapers. Every time we go to change him he starts pooping. This time he didn't and was trying to so his nurse took an oxygen tube and put it up near his booty to allow air to blow on him. Apparently it is for "stimulation" of his "sphincter" lol, yea it was pretty funny. It worked and he started pooping, but I felt so bad for him because his little bottom is so raw and once he started he did not stop for a while. She would get him cleaned and we thought he was done and would put on a new diaper, and oops here comes more. I was scared that I would hurt him by cleaning his bottom because it was so raw so I let the nurse clean him. While she was doing it, he was really calm and relaxed. He kept trying to open his eyes, but the lights were bright and hurt his little eyeballs, so I put my hand up to where it blocked the light from his face and he opened his eyes and just looked at me while I talked to him. Once we finished, he got suctioned by the RT and then he went right back to sleep when she flipped him back on his tummy. All that work wore him out.
I forgot to say that yesterday I had my checkup with my doctor and he said I have to stay in the wheel chair for at least one more week but most likely it will be two. I have to keep taking my meds for another two weeks and then stop cold turkey and see if my bp changes in any way that day. If it does I have to call him immediately no matter what. But that is not for another two weeks so I am hoping I will be more stable by then. My bp was a little higher this morning and I felt really bad all day. It got better in the late afternoon but went up a little this evening. I am probably just tired. I am having to get up early to pump and get on a schedule but then can't fall back asleep so I am tired. I did get a short nap this afternoon so that helped. The doctor also told me that I can start wearing high heels, but I can't walk around in them....what is the point lol. I have to stay in the wheel chair with them on.
Through this blog I have heard from so many people from high school, to college friends to people I just haven't talked to in sooo long. I really appreciate all the support and prayers and love that I am able to be in touch now with all my friends from the past. Thank you all so much for taking the time to contact me and leave wonderful comments and messages. I wish it was under better circumstances, but God does everything for a reason.

5-21-08

I got to hold Blake at lunch today. He did so good the whole time except for one apnea issue. One of his monitors started to go off and show an apnea attack where his heart rate dropped to 44. I have never seen him go below 90 on one when I am around. The nurse first thought it might be a fluke and watched it closely while I patted his back to stimulate him. He came back up and then dropped again this time on both monitors. It took me patting and rubbing his back for a little bit for him to come back around. The nurse checked him over and all his tubing and said he was ok. I am glad she was sittingh there with us when it happened. They said I was really calm, but inside I was freaking out. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do if his heart rate didn't start dropping and I had to hand him over to the nurse. See they tape all the tubes to the robe that I wear and he is wrapped up really sung under several layers of material to keep him warm while he is out of the incubator and against me. So if I had to hand him over, I had no clue on how to do it quickly and safely. My head was going a million miles a minute thinking about what I should do, but I stayed calm and did what I know while at the same time, I thought about what I might have to do and how to get it done quickly. Well he recovered and did great the rest of the time. Slept nice and snug against my chest. The nurse told me that I had 5 minutes left and two minutes later, sure enough, Blake decided time was up and started to d-sat. Once I started to take him off my chest I could feel that he had the hiccups. That is why his oxygen levels were dropping. But it never fails, as soon as 30 minutes is over he is done and tells you so. So we picked up my Mother's Day present that my parents and grandmother got me. It is a silver disc charm from James Avery that has a B engraved on the front for Blake and on the back is his birthday. It took a few weeks to get the engraving done and back in. I will be wearing it all the time. They started him on his second shot today. Now he is getting two shots three times a week. The first one is vitamin A and the second is the medicine for his bone marrow that is supposed to help promote red blood cell growth. The down side to it is that it can thicken the blood and cause problems so they will be watching his blood work closely to see how he responds to it. They have also started him on a continuous feed where he will have a tube that goes all the way into the beginning of his intestines. He will get 6 1/2 cc's every hour on the hour using drops of milk. They want to see if it helps because there is a posibility that when he is fed, he is aspirating some of the milk back into his lungs and which is causing extra fluid. When they feed him he has to be on his back or side and he does not like that at all. He flings his arms around and pushes with his legs. Luckily he was in a good mood when I held him because he had not yet gotten his shots.
This evening when we went in I got to give him his bath. Me, I got to do it. I thought I was just going to get to watch. I was so suprised when she told me i was doing it. I was so nervous. I wanted to make sure I did it correctly and quick enough because he gets cold easily. He doesn't like his baths very much. He tells me so by whimpering, crying and waving his arms and legs. I did get to see his new beautiful blonde hair that has come in. When I finished his bath, the nurse had me hold him up in the incubator so that she could change out his bedding. I held him in my hands close to the side of the incubator so that I could see his eyes and talk to him. He was wide awake the entire time. Every time my mom tried to take his picture he would shut his eyes tight and make a face. He doesn't like the lights and flashes from cameras. The best part of the night for me was at that moment. As I talked to him, he stared at me and smiled. He had his chin strap on so he was trying his hardest to smile at me. It looked like a little joker smile because all he could get up was the corners and bottom of his mouth. It was so precious. I thought I was seeing things so I kept talking to him in that mommy style voice and he kept smiling at me. He was so calm and happy until I had to put him back down and then he started crying again. That one little smile made my entire night.

5-20-08

Blake got a blood transfusion today. We went in this morning to see him and the poor baby had a new IV where he was getting the blood. He was pulling a rollercoaster move this morning with his O2. When we went back later tonight for me to kangaroo he was doing better. He did good the entire time I held him and didn't d-sat till the very end when I went to move him. He slept the entire time and really didn't wiggle much. The nurse said that she figured out why he was so wiggly the night before while on my chest. She changed his diaper and found he had a very poopy one. So, apparently me holding his bottom with a poopy butt was irritating him. He does not like dirty diapers. My poor baby has pooped so much continuously, he has managed to irritate his bottom so much that it is now raw. They have started putting a barrier cream on it that crystalizes and protects that area from staying raw and allows it to heal. It was so raw that his skin started to crack and bleed. I feel so bad for him. No wonder he was hurting last night. Oh the BIG news of the night.....he is up to 2 lbs 2 oz. YEAH!!!!! We have hit the 2 lb mark. He actually hit it yesterday but we did not find out till today. So he gained 2 ounces in one day. I am so excited. His legs have become so much more defined now. He actually has some fat and muscle on them. The nurses are saying he is very very strong. He is deffinitely testing them out. He pushes against my hands and the nurses. After he gets his assessments they flip him back over on his tummy. He usually sticks his legs straight out and pushes really hard. A couple of times it has taken both the nurse and I to bend his little knees so we can get him settled and laying down. He is a little stubborn toot. It is amazing how big he looks to me now. I know he isn't by much, but 14 ounces gained is a lot. We compared the picture of him holding my finger on the second day he was born to the one we took this past week or two, and there is such a difference. His body is starting to catch up with his head. He is beginning to look like a baby and not a little gnome. He is getting more blonde hair also. Think he is going to be a cotton top like his daddy was. His hands and feet are very big now. Well big for him. I just can not believe how much he has filled out. I am also excited because my wonderful aunts are throwing me a baby shower this weekend in Kerville for my family, and the cousins (guys) are going to go golfing so Robert will get to have a boys day. Most likely we are just going to drive up for the day, but I know I can trust the hospital and I know it would be good for me to spend some time with my family for one night. It is a tug of war with my heart. It is going to be hard to leave him even just for one day, but I know he is in good hands and I can call all day anytime to check on him. Plus of course I will make Rob drive me back first thing in the morning Sunday if we stay the night. Bright and early. lol. I guess we will just have to wait and see how I feel Saturday. Ok now that I have blabbed on and on, I hope tomorrow is going to be a better day for Blake since it is shot day. Uggggh :( But it is also bath night tomorrow evening so that will be better since I can see his little face.

5-19-08

Well he got his first shot today and boy he was kranky the rest of the day. The entire day he was unhappy. Everytime I tried to talk to him or hold his finger he pushed it away and started to desat. He never does that. He is always highsatting when I talk to him. He did not want anyone talking to him or touching him. I hope it won't be like this every time he gets a shot. That is every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It broke my heart. I felt so bad for him. So when I went to Kangaroo hold him tonight it took him a while to be ok with it. He was kind of all over the place today with his oxygen levels. The entire time I was holding him he was squirming and pushing and grabbing at me. I had red marks in my chest from where he was pushing his knees into me. His levels were low when we first started then came up and stayed ok for a while. Then he would bounce back and forth on how he was doing. He then highsatted for a little bit longer and then dropped to where he was just not doing very well so we put him back in his bed. I got to do my whole time holding him so I was happy. I felt so bad for him. He moaned and groaned and when we moved him back to his bed he started crying. He cried when we got him out and then when we put him up. He does not liked to be moved, that is for sure. I hope tomorrow is better for him and he is more comfortable. Oh my mom did get to hold him though. The nurse got everything ready and then let her be the one who took him out of the incubator and put him in my hands. She was so excited. She has been having to life my wheel chair so much in and out of the truck, she has managed to give herself bruises on her legs from where it hits her. I am going to have to buy her a day at the spa lol. Anyway, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for him. I just want him to feel comfortable and safe.

5-18-08

Robert went back home today. It is hard when he leaves but I know he will be back next weekend. He was pretty stable through out the day. One of his doctor came and told us that they were going to start him on Vitamin A shots three times a week. Poor little thing he doesn't even have enough fat on him for the shots. They are going to put it in his upper legs. He is also developing Chonic Lung Disease also known as CLD. There are different stages they said and he is at the beginning right now. If it progresses it lead to permanent issues for later on in his life. Since his little body is not making red blood cells, they are going to start him on a medicine that helps his body to make them that way he does not have to have all the blood transfusions and it will help his lungs to begin to heal and keep the CLD from progressing. We hope all this works. While we were there I went to go pump and I took my finger away from him cause he was holding it and high satting and he immediately started dropping so I had Robert put his hand back in Blake as ok then. He was happy with his daddy. After Robert went home we went back to see him in the evening. I got to kangaroo hold him again. He did so much better this time. He stayed high satting almost the entire time. I guess he knew when his time was up because his oxygen levels dropped and he started getting fussy. He was done and wanted to go back to bed. Then after the nurse let my mom (his nana) change his diaper. She was so excited. So she changed the first one...took her a while lol it has been a long time since she has changed a diaper. She kept getting the tabs stuck to the diaper. So she put on the new one and went to close it and he peepee'd on her finger. I went to grab the diaper to help her with the tab and stuck my finger right in it. Nice right. I quickly grabbed a new diaper and she put it on with out getting hit this time. That is about it for last night.

5-17-08 GREAT NIGHT!

Wow I thought today was going to be uneventfull. Boy was I wrong. He had a good day with only a few apneas. Nothing much happened this afternoon. We came back and the Ronald McDonald house was having a fundraiser where 32 bicyclists rode 100 miles for the charity and arrived here where they blocked off the parking lot and had a bbq, bounce house for the kids, fire department, many many people and volunteers that were getting tours through out the house as well as a caricature artist who by the way drew me and Rob and it looks nothing like us...lol we look like really sexy super heros. I will have to take a picture and put it on here. So this evening we went back to see Blake expecting a really quiet night. When we got there he was sleeping and his nurse asked me if I had gotten to hold him yet. I told her just inside the incubator. She said that she was going to try and get an order from the doctor for me to be allowed to do the kangaroo hold (where you sit in the chair and just hold the baby. No rocking or rubbing.) Skin on skin thing to get them used to touch. She was going to try and get it for the next night. His nurse is the same one he has had on the weekend nights since he was born....wow can you believe he is 3 weeks old already. Anyway, her last night is tomorrow night because her husband wants her to work closer to home. Blake is the last preemie she is going to have because the babies she will work with from now on are full term babies. So she said that he will hold a special place with her. Luckily for me she brought her camera. Go figure the one time I leave my camera at home is when I need it the most. She pulled down the sides to his bed and raised the top and took tons of pictures with us and Blake. She is supposed to email them to me so I can have them to post and print. I thought that was going to be the highlight of my night. The doctor that is working this weekend walked by and she said she was going to ask her if it would be ok for me to do the kangaroo hold at some point this weekend. So she asks and the doctor tells her yes he is stable enough right now that if we wanted we could do the kangaroo hold. So I am thinking yeah tomorrow I will get to hold him. I can't wait right. His nurse looked at me and said well we have approval and he is doing good, do you want to do it now? OMG!!! I was so excited and so nervous. So I got to hold him for 30 minutes. Longest 30 mins of my life. lol. I was so nervous but had do keep calm so that he would be calm and ok with his oxygen sats. Rob had to hold his tubes and I had to hold him just right. I had to strip off my shirt to nothing accept my nursing bra which I had to pull down and put on my hoodie so I had some warmth and she put him on my chest and wrapped him up in blankets and my jacket. I had to sit just right so that his tubes would not move around. If they did he started de-satting so I would have to adjust so he was ok. Rob and I worked together to make it all work. He only de-satted really low one time where she had to turn up his oxygen levels. The rest of the time he was either high satting or normal...most the time closer to normal. Needless to say I did my best to keep calm so he would be ok, but it was so hard because everything had to be just right. I think I was more in shock than anything. She did tell me that I will get to hold him again tomorrow as long as he is doing ok. He opened his eyes a couple times to look at Robert and then went back to sleep while I was holding him. After my time was up and his nurse put him back in his incubator, Robert got to change his poopy diaper. He gave his daddy a nice big present. Rob is getting good at changing him. lol he better get in the practice. There will be plenty more where those came from. That just completely made my night. I was late getting back and taking my meds so my bp was high but i checked it 30 mins and then 1 hr after and it went back down to normal so everything is good to go. This has been a great night! Oh and I think he is going to be a cottom top. He still has some brown and blonde hair mixed together, but his eye lashes and eye brows are white blonde and he is getting in normal blonde hair on his head. Just hope he doesn't keep both brown and blonde...well he would have his own original highlights if that happened.

5-16-08

Suctioning time...they are doing his mouth and throat here.

Awake waving arms

Daddy and Blake

Big Yawnnnnnn! Big mouth lol

Mommy and Blake

We went and saw Blake today. He had one of my favorite nurses there watching him. We got to spend about one and a half hours there with him. He was having issues with his tummy again and kept lifiting his tummy and butt all the way off the bed and grunting like he was trying to make a dirty diaper. When his nurse went to do his assessment and get him ready for his suctioning, she checked his diaper and there was only like a tiny spot of poop on there. She started laughing and said "All that work for this?" The respiratory therapist took the tape off his face because they change it out every day to couple days to keep it fresh. So we got to see his entire face. His poor little nostrils are so big right now because of the cpap tubes. They said that the nostrils will go down once he gets off the cpap. I started laughing and said I hope so because he looks like a little piggy right now. lol Right when she was taking off his tape, he decided he would help her out and put his hand up to the tubes and pushed them out of his nose so fast that he threw the tubes at her hands that were right next to the holes of the incubator. All of our jaws dropped and then we started laughing. Guess he doesn't like the tubes. lol I don't blaim him, I wouldn't either. He opened his eyes during suctioning and did good for a little bit and then she had to bag him because he was dropping his sats for a little bit. He wouldn't take any breaths. Normally they just put the bag over his face and he takes breaths of the oxygen, but they had to actually squeeze the bag continuously to push the breaths in. Then once he finally started breathing on his own he did good from that point on. He stayed awake for a long time and just watched us. We were able to take a lot of pictures. They turned off the lights so he could open his eyes with out it being too bright. The first time I tried to take a picture I had turned off the flash, but the little orange light still comes on right before to let you know it is taking and he did not like that at all. He flung his arms, squinched his eyes really tight and whined. He tried to roll himself on his side. After he calmed down, he stayed awake and let us take his pictures with his eyes open. He has also had less apneas today. Only two. YEAH! They have been bad ones but we are down on the number...at least today we are. His doctor also said that he has not had any more blood in his stool, his x-rays looked good, and he has a little less fluid in his lungs. He has also gained weight and is at 1 lb 14 oz. Robert said he looks so much bigger than last weekend. He is starting to fill out his skin. His hands and feet are so much bigger. I can't believe it has already been three weeks! Just two more ounces and we will be at two pounds. woohooo! I left for a little bit to go pump and let my mom come in with Robert (we can only have two people at a time in) and when I came back, Robert made the comment that he got really emotional while I was gone. He was holding Blake's passy in his mouth and Blake had a nice grip on Robert's finger. He was watching him and realized "We have a baby boy" and started to get tears in his eyes. I came back and could see he was just totally aww struck and in love with his baby. He is such a good daddy and loves him so much. I am so glad I was able to give him a little boy in case I can't have another baby. There is a very high chance that I will have preclampsia again if I get pregnant and because it was so severe this time it can be again. My doctor recommended someone who is a great doctor in Houston that will watch me closely and give me advise on what we should do when it comes to that point if we try again or not. Since I came so close to dying this time I am kinda scared about what might happen if I become pregnant again. I am just glad that Robert did not have to make that choice this time. The doctor told him right before we went in for surgery that he might have to. Thank you Lord that he didn't and we are both ok. My blood pressure has been all over the place today. I finally let my mom call my doctor and he said that if it goes any higher than what it was earlier to call him right away. One minute it is low and the next it is elevated. It goes up and down depending when I take my meds and if I am standing or not. We are watching it closely because I do not want to go back in. Dad if you are reading this I rested today and took at 3 hr nap... Robert and mom made me. My doctor told my mom to sit on me if she had to. So we are about to go back over and see Blake here in a second. I am going to add new pics to the photobucket site as well as put some on here. Thank you for all the prayers, they are helping so much!

5-15-08

Sorry I did not get a chance to post last night. So, I am doing it now for Thursday. So a lot to talk about. Crazy day. First off we got slammed Wednesday night with a horrible hail and lightning storm. I layed down to go to sleep and saw out the corner of the window massive lightning, so I turned on the weather channel because another storm had just gone through Cedar Park a little bit north of where we were and I didn't know if it was part of that one or seperate. As soon as I turn the tv on they are telling everyone in our area to take cover and get away from the windows. So of course the first thing I do is look out the window to see what is going on. lol. I went and woke up my mom asking if we had anything important we needed out of the car just in case. She said she was going to try and move it because of the hail we were supposed to get. I told her if it was bad when she got downstairs not to go out. And of course by the time she got downstairs it was hitting everywhere around us so she decided to leave it be. Way too dangerous to even go outside. With in 5 minutes of her getting back upstairs to our room we were getting blasted with massive amounts of hail. My room and the hallway in front of our room is all glass windows so it was pretty freaky with all the hail that was hitting it. Since it was coming in from the side of the building we were very lucky to not get any windows broken, but it sure sounded like it was going to at any minute. Scared the crud out of me. It knocked out the lights in the parking lot across the street. Winds of the storm in downtown were 48 miles an hour, but since they built the Ronald McDonald House where the old airport used to be there is nothing but flat land around us so we got 60 mile and hour winds. Yea pretty freaky. Scared the crap out of me. As soon as it was over, I of course called to check on Blake. The nurse said he never even flinched. That is so Robert's son! Made me fell much better and I could finally fall asleep.

You should see my poor mom trying to lift my wheel chair in and out of the car anytime we go somewhere. That thing is so heavy so I hope she doesn't kill her back doing it. I keep teasing her that she is going to loose weight and get a good work out wihle doing it.

Robert got in last night around 11pm. He had an interesting trip up here. He git a deer on the way here. He got very lucky in that it did only a small amount of damage to his truck and that he was not hurt.

Well we finally got to go see Blake at 1:00 in the morning. His nurse was the one that I got upset with the other evening because of his oxygen levels. I decided to give her another chance because I thought maybe she was having a bad night. Everyone has a bad day once in a wihle. She was much better. She is just the type of person that is all about following a strict routine. Where the other nurses are very accomidating to our schedule, she is not as much. And that is ok because she is doing her job. When i called she told me that they were not going to do his bath at 11:30 like I was told we could do and that is the same time we have always done. She told me she was feeding him at 10:30 and couldn't bath him after she did that. I ws upset because I was trying to explain to her that Robert was coming in and wouldn't be there till 11:00 pm and that since the NICU is closed at 10:00-11:30 we couldn't come any earlier anyway. She said she could do it at 1:30 am and I said that was fine we would be there. I called to check on him at 11:00 and she apologized for upsetting me earlier. She explained that because his feedings the day before had been changed and pushed back, if she were to hold off an hour to feed him till we got there for his bath, his glucose level would drop and we would have a really hard time. I let her know that I appreciated her explaining it to me and I was more comfortable knowing why she wanted to change it. I told her I do better once people explain things to me so that I know what is going on at all times. That way I do not worry. So now as of right now I am much more comfortable with her.

We went for his bath. He did a good job but got mad because he got his bath and then a suctioning right after. The doctor had ordered him an enama, I guess he was constipated. I felt so bad for him, it looked really uncomfortable getting it. They use a little syringe to do it, but he is so tiny....owww. The nurse cleaned his poopy diaper and a few minutes later he gave her a nice gift again. He then did another one, and another one, and another one and another.....about six times till he was finally done. He cleaned himself out that is for sure. We couldn't stop laughing because every time she got him cleaned he pooped all over himself again. After she finished, he kept trying to open his eyes but the overhead lights were in his eyes. Robert stepped in front of the incubator to block the lights from shining on his face. He looked up at Robert, it was so sweet.
Ok now i am going to start on a new blog for tonight.

5-14-08 Night

I got released around 6:45 this evening. Before that I went to see Blake. His nurse had just finished assessing him and said she had hoped I would have already been there so I could have helped. Then she asked me if I would like to hold him in the incubator. I was so excited but I was afraid he had already been stimulated too much. She said if he didn't like it we would stop. So she picked him up and placed him in my hands inside the incubator. He put his hand up next to his face and just slept. Then after a little while he started to open his eyes. He got his right eye open but not his left. I think the light was too bright over head so she pulled his blanket that covers the incubator over it and he opened both his eyes. He let me hold him for a good 5 minutes and then he decided that was enough and started getting fussy. As usual he high satted while I was there. I don't know if I said it before but my doctor decided he wanted me to use a wheel chair now that I am out of the hospital for about three weeks. He says that my bp drops when I am up walking around and he does not want me to relapse. He wants me to rest as much as possible. I feel so silly having my mom push me around everywhere in a wheel chair. Don't get me wrong it is a nice wheel chair that is like the smooth riding Lexus version of wheel chairs accept for the fact that it is not motorized lol. My poor mom is getting a work out having to push me everywhere. It was ok for me to be in the wheel chair at the hospital but it just feels wierd outside of that. The doctor said that if the bottom number (diastolic) gets over 90 I have to go b ack in. So we will be watching to make sure it does not because I do not want to be readmitted. I will be resting a lot so that does not happen! I called this evening to check on Blake and he has been about the same on his Oxygen (all over the place). He did however have more blood in his stool which is not good but they are monitoring it and are going to take another xray in the morning as well as some more blood work to check for a new infection.

I posted new pics on photobucket if you would like to go on there and check.

5-14-08

I am getting released today YEAH! Well part of me says yeah and the other is scared to death. I do not want to relapse again and I am so used to being right here to where I can see Blake whenever I want. The mix of the new meds worked and my bp has normalized while on it and has actually gone a little lower than normal for me so the doctors pulled me back to 25 mg of the Hydrochlorothiazide instead of 50. The 50 helped but they think that now that it is ok, the 25 mg will keep it stable. They do not want it to continue dropping. That would be bad. Blake had a little bit of a hard night. He had to have a blood transfusion in the middle of the night because his platelets dropped. The doctors said that micropreemies aren't able to make red blood cells like regular babies so it takes them longer for their bodies to make up for losses. They also had to start back up his IV with some glucose because his sugar level was low. That could have been from them not doing feed due to the blood in his stool and performing multiple xrays where his tummy had to be empty. His doctor is going to start him back up on some of his other nutrients tomorrow. They do not want to shock his system. He also had a lot of d-sats last night and this morning with apnea spells. His nurse said that if he would have had a good night and morning then they were going to let me hold him. I was like...ahhh get better little boy...hurry up so I can hold you lol. When I went to see him today he high satted the entire time and opened his eyes when he heard my voice. Yea that means he is getting used to me and each time I visit I get to see his beautiful little eyes. Well almost each time. Some times he is zonked out and sleeps the entire time. Especially if I get there right after they have done his assessment or suctioning. That always wears him out. I will update later tonight if there are any changes.

5-13-08

I did more crying last night because I was worried about Blake's breathing. His poor little lips and chin are so bruised from the tape they have to use for his cpap. Rob keeps telling me it is going to be a rollercoaster and I have to remember that, but it is still hard when you are looking at your 1 lb 12 oz baby in this clear box and he turns blue and yellow and waves his arms and legs in distress and there is nothing you can do to help. Or when his heart rate drops and you hold your breath to see if he is going to take in a breath. Today I started having bad abdominal pain like I did before feeling like heartburn. They kept me going on Malox and it wasn't really working so they were worried about my liver and ran my blood again. My blood came back ok and everything looked good. I guess I have had to take so much medicine so many times a day that my stomach was finally fed up and this time really did give me heartburn. The internal specialist came and saw me and decided that she was going to start me on an antacid once a day. That helped a lot and has been controlling it pretty well. I still have pain but nothing like I did this morning. They said it would take a little bit to start completely working in my system. The internal specialist also decided to up my Hydrochlorothiazide to 50mg because the 25 wasn't working and my bp was still up this morning. Well this evening they took my bp at 6 and 9:30 and both times it was in normal range. YEAH! It looks like we might have found a combination that works. I did get really dizzy right after the first dose this morning while I was in the middle of changing Blake's diaper and got so scared I started crying and had to hand everything off to the nurse. My nurse came and got me and brought me down to see the docotors. I could not stop crying because I was so scared and didn't know why I got so dizzy and hot. It looks like everything is starting to work itself out with these meds. They are going to do a running bp test in the morning. They test me laying down, to sitting up to standing and see if it fluctuates any. If everything looks good and stays ok i get to leave tomorrow. The only down side to taking the second med is because it diuretic it drains extra fluid from me which means it takes away from my milk I am trying to pump for Blake. I am so used to being here and able to go see him whenever I want, it is going to be hard now to actually get released and leave here. Plus I am scared I could bottom out at any time again. So we are going to be keeping a very close eye on my bp while at the Ronald McDonald House just to be sure and if starts to change we will know.
Blake did not get a bath last night because he was too unstable. He had a better morning and afternoon. The doctor did find an issue that they are watching very closely. They found blood in his poop so they did an xray of his tummy and it came back good and they did blood work to look for infection and it came back good too so they are doing another xray tonight and one in the morning just to follow up and make sure. It could have just been from an irritation but they want to make sure bc having blood in the stool is a big deal they said. His Zantac has seemed to help with the blood that comes up from his feeding tube. He had a few apneas today but none as bad as yesterday. The nurse had to help him out of it and it was really long but he finally came up. They took out his IV and he is strictly on breastmilk now. He is up to 15 cc's. He was doing good on his O2 levels in the afternoon and was holding around 27% but this evening had to be booted up a little into the 30's. He still pulls rollercoaster moves where his saturation goes up to 98 and then drops down to the 50 and 60's and then back up. So of course the nurse has to chase him with his O2. They do their best to try and let him level out on his own and not chase him but sometimes they have to because he is just so stubborn. Wonder where he got that from? lol When I started talking to him he opened his eyes and kept them open for the longest amount of time since he has been here. He did the whole open and close and open right back up and close....He opened really wide and just stared for a while till he got tired. Toward the end of my visit tonight he started having big drops in breathing and his saturation levels. I was trying to talk to him to pull him up and he started gasping through his tube like something was wrong. I made the comment that it sounded funny to me like he might have water in his tube and finally when his sats dropped in the 50's my mom said to her that I was hearing him gasp and I thought there might be some water getting down his esophagus. She started messing with the tubes and sure enough the little bottle that collects water filled up from the water rolling down from the tube she was tapping. Mommy's intuition was right. It was a new nurse to Blake that had never had him and of course when they are new to him I want to make sure they know his background and what he likes and doesn't like. I did get a little upset because normally his nurses are right on top of things and at times tonight's nurse was, but several times towards the end when he was dropping his sats into the 50's she had muted the alarm at 70 and it kept dropping and she was doing something on the computer and I freaked so I spoke up and said something. She then monitored him but for that few mins if I hadn't have said anything would she have caught it? This happened a couple times to where either me or my mom had to step up and say he is low satting at .#... It just makes me nervous sometimes. Each nurse is different. Don't get me wrong we have had the best ones we could ask for, it is just they all do their own thing and do it differently from everyone else. So of course you have your favorites that you would rather see him with consistently but that can not always happen. I called down a few mins ago to check on him and she got on to me for not being asleep yet like I was supposed to be. When I asked if he had-had any apneas she said he had one right after I left and she had to help him out a little by patting his bottom to get him to breathe. I trust that she is a good nurse and will watch over him. This hospital is such a top notch place that I can not ask to be any where better. The doctors are so great and knoweldgeable. They are on top of the babies and are willing to speak with the parents at any time. I know I am just being a hovering mommy because he is my baby and I want what is best for him. I try not to step on anyone's toes and upset the nurses by giving my input so I normally jsut keep my mouth shut and listen and watch. Now when I feel like I need to speak up, then I do. More than anything I do not want to piss off any of the nurses and staff because they are the ones I am relying on for the next 13 weeks. They have taken such good care of me and Blake these past two weeks and I want to make sure that I do not act like one of those horrible nagging moms that irritate them. I know they put up with a lot of different types of mothers and that is what they are there for. They ar NICU nurses and are going to be dealing with emotional mommy's, that is why I am trying my best to just watch and learn and not speak up too much. Ok I am finally going to try and go to bed. This blog ended up being a lot longer than I expected. Sorry I had to get everything out.

5-12-08 Evening

Ok so my doctor called in the Internal Specialist that was on call tonight. My doctor came and saw me again and sat down and talked to me and mom for a good while. He said that he wanted a second opinion regarding meds because of the fact that he is an ob gyn and usually treats women who's bp decreases with in several days. Since mine is not responding properly to the normal meds he wants someone that deals with internal meds to see me and decide if we should change something or not. The internal specialist came and saw me and talked to me about everything. He said that there were only a few meds we could try because of me pumping milk for Blake and the other one I was on makes my bp bottom out. So he looked up those few meds we could try. One came up as not ok to use with breastmilk and the other didn't have any info and were not in the safe category. That leaves us with what I am on. He said that I have only been on the new med since this afternoon and he wants to see what it does with in 24 hrs. If my bp is still elevated tomorrow he will bump it up from 25 mg to 50 mg (which means I will be here another night). If that does not work, we will reevaluate at that point. I am also maxed out on the first bp med at 800 mg (200 4x a day). My doctor also gave me a recommendation of a great ob gyn back in Houston for when I get home to go and see since I am going to be changing doctors. Not happy at all with the one I had.
Blake has been having a really hard day. We went to see him around 8:45 pm. When we got there I saw on the monitor where he had just had several little spells with his breathing. His nurse said that his sats dropped really low a couple times. So low that she had to remove the connection of the cpap and bag him with 100% oxygen. He low satted several times when we were in there and talked to him to try and get him to come back up. He heard my voice and started to open his eyes. I opened the door to the arm whole and put my face down in front of it so that he was able to see me and he just stared at me while I talked to him. He did the whole open and closing his eyes several times till he finally tired out and fell back asleep. He ws supposed to have a bath at 11:30 tonight but because of his sats they said he might not so we will find out in a little bit.

5-13-08...oops I mean 5-12-08

My doctor came back today. He had been off for the weekend and there has been another doctor on call here that has been taking care of me. So my doc came to see me a few minutes ago. He said he just didn't know what to do with me. He was trying to make me laugh and it worked. He said because I had such a severe case of the Preclampsia, my body is having a really hard time recovering. And because I am on the Labadelol 4x times a day and it is only putting me in the 140's/90's (with out the meds I would be back in the 180's/100's) he is going to try me on a new med alongside the Labadelol as well. The doctor this weekend did not want to add any new meds since he is not my attending and does not know me like my delivery doctor does. My attending dr that delivered Blake is so wonderful and pays attention to every little thing. He is not releasing me till they get my bp lower than what it is. He is very caring and knowledgeable about everything. He is trying so hard to get my bp under control. He does not want to put me back on the Procardia since that is what bottomed me out, so he is going to try me on Hydrochlorothiazide along with the Labadelol. He said he is going to keep me tonight to watch and make sure I do not react badly to it and if I normalize I can go home tomorrow. Oh yea and he wants us to rent a wheel chair once I get out so that I am not walking eveywhere. He does not want me to relapse and have to come back in once he releases me. He does want me to walk a little so that I do not create blood clots in my legs but only for a couple minutes around the room. Blake has done good this morning...no apneas since the new nurse came on, but she has had to chase him with his oxygen. She has to turn his O2 up and down because he is pulling a rollercoaster move going up and down. He did start to high sat when I was there so the nurse got to turn his O2 down a little which is a good thing. He seems to enjoy me being there which makes me feel better. He gets a bath tonight so I will update after.

Mother's Day night

So I went to see him this evening and take him milk. It was time for his assessment and suctioning from the respiratory therapist. She flipped him over and did his suctioning. They take off the attachment from his cpap and pull out his nose prongs. Then they put a few drops of saline down in each nostril to loosen up any mucus and stick a little suction tube in his nose and then far down his nostrils into his airway. They also do his mouth and throat. So of course his breathing goes down and he struggles for air but he did not have get bagged in the middle of the suctioning like he usually does. However he did turn blue towards the end of everything and it freaked me out so much I had to look away. They hooked back up his air and it took him a little while to come back up to normal oxygen sats. The nurses let me know when he was ok. When he was able to, he let us know he was not happy. I heard the biggest cry come out of him that I have heard yet. It was adorable. I put my finger in there while the therapist cleaned up his face and he grabbed on and was squeezing so much that his fingers started turning yellow from loss of blood flow. He started releasing and squeezing over and over. I made the comment that he was pumping iron. lol. After they finished cleaning his face up I got to change his diaper again. I finished and the nurse began doing her assessments on him. He then began to open his eyes. I started talking to him and he turned his head to where my mom and I were standing and stared at us. This was the first time my mom got to see his eyes so she was excited. I moved my head down to where the arm whole is on the side of the incubator and kept talking to him. He turned his head even more to the side so he was looking right at me and opened his eyes even more. When I stood up to talk to the nurse his eyes followed me, then I bent back down and he looked to where I was. At one point he moved his mouth up a little to where it looked like he was smiling and then relaxed his mouth again. I wasn't sure if I was seening things, so I asked my mom if she saw that and she said yes. I asked if he just smiled and she said it looked like he did. I was so happy it made my heart jump. He watched me until his eyes got tired and then he slowly closed them so he could rest. The nurse flipped him back over onto his tummy and he reached out so I put my finger in there and he grabbed on again and held really tight. Sorry this blog is long, I just got so excited that he was doing so much tonight that I wanted to get everything written down so I didn't forget. It really wore him out because once he fell asleep he was out like a light. The down side to the night, my bp is still elevated. We will see how it is later and what my doctor says in the morning. Have a good night. I am going try and go to bed...they give me Ambian to sleep...it helps out a lot since they wake me up so much at night to take my bp, the meds help me go right back to sleep when they get done.

5-12-08- Mother's Day

This is definitely not how I imagined spending Mother's Day, but at least I get to spend it with Blake. Robert left this afternoon to go home and they are still not releasing me. Maybe tommorrow. I have now had my third round of meds for the day and my bp is still holding around 145/102. Not horrible but not great. I keep getting bad headaches because of the high bp and they give me motrin for it but it usually only works for about half and hour and then comes back. The highlight of my day was when I got to change Blake's diaper and take his temp though. Wow did he leave me a nice Mother's Day present. Talk about a poopy diaper. Nice and messy! They went up on his feedings to 10 cc's. They put him on his back today and he lasted a whole hour with out horrible issues. He was not happy to be on his back and was letting the nurse know it. he kept throwing his arms and legs around every once in a while. He does really good when I come in to see him. His saturation level goes up so she gets to turn down his O2 a little. They tell me he likes me being there. I hope so. He did however have 5 apneas just this morning, but he has had his second round of Lasix so hopefully that will help out some with the fluids. Because of the Lasix he hasn't gained any new weight but the good thing is he hasn't really lost any either. He also let out a big burp when we were there. His burps come out through his feeding tube and it creates bubbles in the syringe. Normally they are just small bubbles, but this time the bubbles went all the way to the top of the syringe. It was pretty funny. He is also still having blood come up in his feeding tube from his tummy so they have started him on Zantac to see if that will help. We are hoping it is just from irritation because they have not found any huge bleeds when they do his ultrasounds. That is also good. The nurses have to keep a chin strap on him to keep his mouth closed so that the air from his cpap will not escape out. He fights it and constantly tries to open his mouth and stick his fingers in it. They have started putting a passifier in to help and he sucks on it like crazy. Way to cute. Then he gets tired and spits it out and returns his fingers. He is a fighter and is showing that every day. I am in for a world of trouble when we finally get home. lol

5-10-08 night

Well I found out that the nurse last night was in training and the charge nurse that was with her was actually Blake's nurse for the night so now I feel better. I forgot that it is a training hospital. So he got to have two nurses for the night. We went to see him and he was sleeping but he had the hiccups. Poor thing he couldn't stop. I took my meds and then went to see him so when we got back we waited about 1 1/2 hrs to check the labaladol to see if it had kicked in. And that is a negative. It was 156/109. So the doctors were called and the decision has been made to up my dosage starting tomorrow from two times a day to 200mg four times a day. This is going to be intersting. So sucky I am NOT going home tomorrow. They have to watch it and see if it works, otherwise they better start looking into a new medicine. My dad is flying back to Ohio in a few hours. He really doesn't want to go. He is so worried about all of us that he is stressing himself out and that is not good. Attention GCM lab group- please make him behave when he gets back there. Someone has to keep him chilled out and I know you ladies can do that. he thinks so highly of all of you.
Oh We found out that one of Blake's weekend night nurses that has taken care of him for the weekend he was born and the last two weekends, is leaving the hospital so she can be closer to home. We are very sad because she takes such good care of Blake. We will miss her so. For everyone who thinks I am not resting...I AM. I have not left this bed except to go to NICU and it is going to make me crazy but I am doing what they tell me so that I can get out of here and get better for Blake. My cousin gave me this huge lecture on following the rules the docs give me, which I have been doing, and resinting in bed, which i have been doing. They are even talking about renting me a wheel chair so i don't walk everywhere. LOL I don't think so, how silly would that be? I apologize for any mispellings and wrong words, I took an ambian they gave me and I am sorta in a daze ready to go night night. So I will update tomorrow with more.