7-29-08 (39 weeks gestational)

"Hey babe, call me"

Hanging out in his bouncer

The picture I talked about before...he was passed out and had rolled out of his bendy bumper with his head hanging over the side

Mommy and daddy at dinner...good God I have gained weight

Got a smile out of him

Stud

Ulga and Blake (weekend primary day nurse)

Checking out his mobile

seriously focused on that mobile

Blake is 39 weeks gestationally today. I can't believe I would still (possible) be pregnant with him. That is crazy. He is so big now. He weighed in at 5 lbs 13.9 oz (14 close enough) last night. So he will probably break the bank tonight at 6 lbs. Ahhh he is getting to be a big boy. No one will ever know he was a preemie by looking at him. The nurses said that most preemies have a flatter head and you can tell they preemies, but his has rounded out really nicely and you would never know that he was. Let's see he had his bath last night and enjoyed it for the most part. The Nephrologist and surgeon were supposed to come see him today but never showed. So maybe tomorrow. The Nephrologist is going to check him out and put him on meds for his high blood pressure and the surgeon is going to check his testicles again to see if he has a hernia or hydro seal (fluid that got trapped in his testes when he was born). So he will have surgery if it is a hernia. They took him off his caffeine today. If he does good with out it and does not have any A&B's other than from his reflux (which has been triggering them) then he gets to go home with out a monitor. If he needs the caffeine he will have to go home with it and a monitor. I know I have explained that before...sorry. So we will see in a couple days how he handles it. It takes 20-30 hours to get out of his system. They moved him again. A baby that was paired up with him got sick and needed an IV and the nurse can only have 3 babies at most when another one is on an IV. So since she had four babies they moved him into a different bay. Bay 7 is his new home. It is pretty nice because there are only a total of 8 babies in there. It is very quiet too which can be really eerie. He is taking full bottles and decided last night he did not need his feeding tube anymore and pulled it completely out. The nurses kept it out since he has been doing good on all his bottles.

7-27-08

I know I have not written in a few days, sorry. I drove home to Houston this weekend to try and get the house ready for when he comes home. I am not sure if he is going to get to come home in two weeks but we are hoping for it. His blood pressure has been pretty high lately and they are not sure why. He is going to be seen by a specialist tomorrow and also have a kidney ultrasound done in the morning. The doctor said all his other tests came back normal and he thinks the ultrasound will as well. The kidneys control the blood pressure so if they don't see anything wrong (hope they don't) then they are going to start him on bp meds. They also said that most preemies are off of the meds by 6 months and their bp is back under control. They are having him start full nipple feeds tonight so we will see how he does. If he wears out too fast they will put him back on his feeding tube and do two bottles to one tube feeding. Keep your fingers crossed he does well. That way we will get out sooner. He has also been having A&B's at least once a day. They think it is from reflux because most of the times he spits up when it happens. He is already on two stomach meds to help control his reflux so if that is the case he will go home on those meds. I am going to drive back to Austin tomorrow. This is the longest I have been away from him and it is so weird. I have gotten used to me life in Austin. It just feels so strange being back home. The other day I walked in and he had rolled himself out of his bendy-bumper that keeps him in place. He had his head and upper back completely off the pad he sleeps on and down next to the bars of the crib. His mouth was wide open and he was passed out cold. I took a picture but will have to upload it when I get back to Austin. Yesterday he was at 5 lbs 10 oz. He is gaining like 2 oz a day because he is on high calorie formula mixed with milk. He already has chubby cheeks. I just hope he doesn't get too big so I can enjoy him being a small baby once he gets out and is not attached to all his wires. Ok well I am going to go back to cleaning.

7-22-08

Sleeping peacefully...for now

Do I have to wake up?

Hi everybody, see you soon!

Aren't I a big boy now? ....I look really big here till you compare me to that navy blue onesie at the bottom of my crib. That is a preemie onsie. It is finallly starting to fit me right.

I don't want to go back to sleep

Well I walked in this morning to Bay 3 and found my little man was no longer there. They moved him to Bay 5 which is the discharge bay. They go there when they are close to being discharged. He has been doing good off his nasal cannula. He still has A&B's but not too many. We think it is from reflux. Normally they can't have any A&B's before they go home or they have to stay five days longer from that point. If it is due to reflux that might be another issue and he will just go home on a monitor and meds. Tonight when I came in he was wide awake and fussing like crazy. He was ready to eat. When I gave him his bottle he went crazy on it. I have never seen him do that before. He kept grabbing my hands and the bottle and jerking the bottle forcefully into his mouth. He kept getting anxious like it was going out of style. It was pretty funny. At one point he pulled the bottle so hard into his mouth out of my fingers that he pushed it into the back of his throat gagging himself. I had to eventually tuck his hands into his blanket so that he wouldn't grab the bottle anymore. He is up to 5 lbs 6 oz. The boy is getting some chubbs on him. I hope he is not getting sick. His temp has been in the high 99's today and he has started getting hoarse. Every time he tries to cry it sounds so pitiful because it is so weak and scratchy. I am going to ask his doctor about it tomorrow so we will see. He has also had a lot of drainage so that might be the case.

7-20-08 12 weeks yesterday!

After he pulled his nasal canula off

very amused at himself for being able to take it off

Sleep boy

AuntE (Auntie Erin)

Uncle John

Passed out cold

Sleepy boys after a feeding

Daddy feeding Blake

Loving the bottle

Me Blake and cousin Linda

Mommy and Blake

He is either playing hide and go seek or he thinks he is super man. We came in and we was sleeping like this.

After getting his canula taken off today. Still has the feeding tube

Ok lots of changes, I hope I can remember them all. First he is at 5 lbs! Yea, Well technically now he is 5 lbs 3 oz. Friday Rob came in. Blake decided he did not want his nasal canula anymore and pulled it off. His nurse let him try and bottle with out it to see how he did. He held his own and did great. She talked to the doctor and they took the pressure down on his canula to 1/2 liter. He was at 1 liter of pressure. John and Erin came in Friday night and both held him. They are very much in love with their new nephew. Saturday my cousins Linda and Carol both came to see Blake. Carol had not seen him yet but Linda did a few days after he was born. Big difference from 12 weeks ago. Oh yea he is 12 weeks now. Yeah! So Rob got to bottle feed Blake for the first time. He did very good. I did my best not to jump in and fix things when they didn't go just right. He has to get his own groove down. He will get it, he is a great daddy already. Blake started taking around 55-60 cc's of milk each bottle feeding. Today they changed it to two feedings by bottles and one by tube. They think he will be at all bottles in a couple days. The biggest shocker of all, when we walked in this afternoon they were taking Blake off his oxygen. WHOOHOO! He has been doing great all day with out it. He has had a few desats but not too many. The director of the unit called me today, he never calls me. He was working and checked Blake over. He said he thinkgs there shouldn't be a reason why he won't get out by his 40 week mark in two weeks. Holy cow, going home in two weeks, freakin out a little here. I am scared and excited all at the same time. In the next few days they are going to try and take him off his Reglin and Prilosec. If he starts barfing, he goes right back on it. It has been helping out a lot to clear out his stomach and keep everything moving. After all that they will then try to take him off the Theoflin which is basically like caffine. If he shows that he has to stay on it they will send him home with it and a monitor. If he does good and does not need it then no meds and monitor. Part of me wants a monitor just to make me feel better for the first week or so. They are going to do a sleep test and car seat test to make sure he can withstand everything with out issues. The car seat test is where he has to sit in a car seat for 8 hours, holy crap, I couldn't even sit in a car for 8 hours. That sucks bad for him. He is going to get majorly cranky. They are also going to circumcise him probably two days before he leaves. Great do the deed and then give him to me when he is pissed off and cranky. That stinks for me. haha oh well I will take him how I can get him. Ok I just typed a bunch of stuff here and the stupid computer locked up and lost it all and I have not idea what I wrote. I am way too tired considering it is 3;15 in the morning. So I know there is probably stuff I am forgetting but if I remember it tomorrow I will write it in. Keep your fingers crossed...two more weeks and we are outta here!

7-17-08

Blake's nurse Valerie

In his swing...mmmm fingers are good

Swing is a little big for him, that thing at his chin is supposed to be at his tummy

In his bouncer, too small for it

He's looking at the animals hanging down

Vibrations are good.

This is fun, where did the passy go?

Mommy giving Blake his tub bath

Wave hello

Passed out after his bottle

Ok to catch up for yesterday and today, he has gained weight finally. I guess splitting the milk 1/2 and 1/2 with formula is helping. Yesterday he was at 4 lbs 12 oz and tonight he was 4 lbs 15 oz. Yeah! One more ounce and we will hit 5 lbs. Holy cow! Yesterday the doctor lowered his nasal cannula pressure to 1 liter. He started on 2 and now he is down to 1. That is great. Soon he won't be on it anymore....we hope. He had an eye exam yesterday. Ok to explain this there are 3 phases of what he can see. The first one is just what is in front of him, the second is a little bit to the sides and the third he is able to see his peripheral vision. Right now he is at phase 2. So he is moving in the right direction. The second part of the exam looks at stages. There are 4. The more oxygen needs he has the more damage he gets so the farther he moves to stage 4. So Stage one is where you don't see any damage. Stage two you see ridges from scar tissue forming. Stage 3 is basically worse stage 2. Stage 4 is where the retna is damaged to the point of detaching from the eye. He was at a stage 2 where they found scar tissue making ridges. As of yesterday he turned a corner and they could not find any ridges. They had smoothed out and he moved back to stage 1. YEAH! That is great news. Sorry just wanted to explain all the stages. I bought a bouncer and travel swing for Blake to use because he has been waking up more and wants to hang out and not sleep so much. They said I could bring some in so I got two and put them together. Of course the swing was broken and did not work, so I had to take it back. I got a new one that worked and tried it out last night. He liked the swing but his tubes kept getting caught so we tried the bouncer. He loved the vibrations from the bouncer. He just sat there watching us and got mad when I took him out to put him to bed. He is still too small for both of them, but he enjoys sitting in them. He got a bath tonight and has been taking around 50 cc's by bottle's every other feeding. He still gets the others through his feeding tube. I hope they are going to try more bottles soon because he has been doing great. I went to the Internal Specialist today. She said that she is not convinced I have permanent hypertension and wants to research HELLP syndrome a little more. Even though Preeclampsia should leave your system in 6 weeks, there is not very much research to show after symptoms of HELLP syndrome. She said that most people do not survive HELLP syndrome so they don't have much research on what happens after delivery. I feel so lucky and blessed that I am doing well and am still here. My bp is still crazy out of wack but it is better than it was. I had blood work done today and have to go back to see her next week. I have water weight back which stinks since I am not on the diuretics anymore. Rob is coming up tomorrow. We have not seen him in two weeks and I know I miss him like crazy. He is going to get to bottle feed Blake for the first time tomorrow....haha we will see how he does. My brother and sister-n-law are also coming and so are my aunts. He is going to get many visitors. I can't wait to see everyone. He is going to be 12 weeks old on Saturday. Wow time sure has flown.

7-15-08

Aunt Tiffany came to visit

Blake was sucking on his palm

He fell asleep with his hand still stuck to his face

We are kind of at a standstill with Blake's growth again. Even though I am splitting my milk to where the hind (fattier part) is what he gets, he is not getting enough protein. His lab work showed his protein levels are low and he has not been putting on weight. He was 4.9 last night for his bath again. He has been staying between 4.6 and 4.9 on his weight. The doctors are concerned about it so they made a change to where he gets 1/2 breast milk and 1/2 formula mixed together. They went up on his bottle feeds to every other feeding. So every other he gets a bottle and the other ones he gets it through his feeding tube. They also changed his feeding tube. He no longer has it in his mouth but through his nose instead. This way he can get a better grip on sucking the nipple of the bottle. We tried today and he was so used to the tube being there, the milk would leak out the side of his mouth where before it held it in. Guess we have to work on that. The speech therapist said she is really impressed with how well he has been handling bottle "nipple" feeding. They are now also letting him take as much as he wants when he bottle feeds. He has to do a minumum of 30 cc's but he can have more if he wants. This evening he took 40 and was worn out. So last night I went to weigh him before I gave him his bath he decided to grace me with a shower of his own. He pee'd all over my clothes, arms, his legs, wires and the floor. It was a fountain. Guess it was going to happen some time. He loved his tub bath. One of the doctors was working on Isabelle next to us and came over to say hi to Blake. He was bent over and him and Blake were just staring at each other, and when one of the nurses laughed at him and asked what he was doing, he said "Leave us alone, we are having guy time." It was so cute, we started laughing at them. Blake loves to be held up on my shoulder so that he can check everybody out and see (well try to) what is going on. He normally just stares over at Isabelle's isolet since there is always a lot of action going on there. I think it helps with his reflux too and makes him feel better. He still has really bad reflux. I bought a swing and bouncer today since they said he can use it up there. Of course we get the swing together and it doesn't work, but the bouncer did, so we put Blake in it and oh my gosh he looked so big to me till I got him in the bouncer and realized how small he still is. The waist strap that should only go to the belly button or lower covered his entire front area and came up to the top of his chest right under his chin. It was so cute. I will have to take a picture of him in it. The doctor is not sure if he will get out in 3 weeks or not because he still has a lot of milestones to hit, but we are getting there one at a time and I am very proud of him and how he is doing. We have also started the whole breast feeding thing. I always swore I would never do it because it grossed me out, but I am starting to come around to it. It still is weird but I am becoming more comfortable with the idea. Oh, my best friend from high school Tiffany came to see him yesterday. Dad I know you are reading this so don't worry, you are going to get to hold him in a few short weeks when he gets out. He is getting a lot of practice being held so that he can with stand the lengthy time that you and mom will hold him since I know you won't let him go. haha. Just kidding. I have my appointment with the Internal Specialist on Thursday for my blood pressure. I have got so much water weight from it fluctuating and being high. You can see it in my face in the pictures. Blahhh I can't stand it. I look like I have had botox.

7-13-08

Marie "Mimi" and Blake

Uncle Jeff and Blake

"Please, no pictures!"

(this is the only sleeper outfit that actually fits him, it shrunk a lot)

Uncle Jeff and Blake again.

Blake and his bottle

Me feeding Blake

Kisses

Go night-night little man

Blake trying really hard to stay awake

I did not get much sleep last night. I went up there at 12:30 am and he was so hungry. He has to get used to having the feeling of hunger, because he has never felt it before since all his feeds went into his intestines. Now he is getting it and he is so cranky. His nurse was able to talk the doctor into letting him have an extra bottle and he took the whole 10 and then when I gave him his passy to suck on he got so angry once he figured out nothing was coming out of it. He wanted that bottle back so bad. So he basically threw a fit from around 2:00 till 3:30 in the morning. He would calm down for 5 minutes and then back to screaming again. His nurse and I took turns trying to comfort him. I finally got him to quiet down and got him into bed sometime around 4 and was able to go home and go to bed. Wow I was tired. I looked like a walking zombie. I got a little upset while at the NICU last night. Isabelle, the little twin that survived was having a bad night and had to be put back on the ventilator. They were having a hard time keeping her stable. All I could do was stare at her and think of how Blake was the same size of her and how he went through a lot of the same stuff. He was so small and looking at her brought back all the memories and I started getting sad and upset. I looked at him and thanked God for our little angel and the blessings he is bringing us every day. His nurse talked to the doctor this morning and they went up on his bottle feedings to 30 cc's twice a day and the rest is through his tube. He loves it. It wears him out and he goes right to sleep. Rob's mom and brother came to visit today. They both got to hold him and visit. It was the first time Jeff had seen him. They are all saying his has my eyes. Lovely aren't they haha. Oh they did up his reflux meds to try and help with all the reflux he has been having. It has seemed to help and he has not had as much residual the past few days. They also had me sign approvals for him to be able to be vaccinated. He is getting to be a big boy now. He weighed in at 4 lbs 8 oz last night and tonight 4.9, he gained an ounce today. He had been staying around 4.6 this whole week and had lost several grams but it looks like he has come back up, or they could have just weighed him right after he ate. Poor Rob had to work this weekend. He picked up an extra on call that was available to try and get some overtime to help us out, so he did not come up. He did however have to deal with my pet rat…yes I said rat dying last night. I have had her for about 3 1/2 years. She was my classroom pet for the kindergarten class I taught back in The Woodlands. She was the sweetest thing and loved attention. They only live about 3 years so she had a long life. Rob had a hard time with it because he was scared to tell me and the fact that he saw her not feeling well and went over and got her out to give her some love. He put her back and she started begging for him to pet her again and was breathing hard. He petted her and closed her cage and when he walked back by she was laying down in the same spot but not alive this time. He is such a great husband and loving man. He has been so strong this whole time for me and I guess it finally just all hit him at once and he broke down. He has done so much for our family and I love him more than anything for it. Ok I am being all mushy and stuff so I will stop. So we are hoping to be out in the next three weeks. Fingers crossed. I am so scared to leave but at the same time, so excited. I can't wait to be home with Rob and our friends and family. Ok so this evening he got upset again because he wanted a bottle. I kept trying to rock him to sleep and he wanted nothing to do with that. I changed his diaper which helped him calm down. Then I sat him up and that to see if he just wanted to sit up and sure enough, he wanted to hang out with the big kids. Haha. He sat up for about 30 minutes or so just watching everybody else, grunting, burping, and chillin’ out. He loved it. He also loves to be bounced, vibrated and patted on the back. Those vibrating seats and beds are going to come in very handy…ooh which reminds me I need to get his pac-n’-play. That is kinda of a play-yard/sleeping bed but for infants and has a changing table attached so you can use it anywhere in the house and take it on trips. The bed vibrates and plays tunes, gotta love it. I need to make a list of everything I am going to need before we go home, find a pediatrician, get my house cleaned “sterilized”, see an Internal Specialist, and much-much more. Ahhh how long till he gets out??? So maybe I have 3 weeks. Oh my goodness, I am going to be busy.

7-12-08

Me giving Blake his bottle, he has to be sideline while feeding....day I had my seizure, don't I look bad haha

Full and sleeping

Throwing a fit

Happier now

It has been a couple days...sorry about that. By the time I get home from going back and forth to the hospital so much every day, I am exhausted and just want to go to bed. Ok just to explain a little about the first pic, that morning I woke up and had a small seizure. I am epileptic, but I have not had a grand-mal seizure since I was 12. So the good news is I did not have a grand-mal one but I did black out and lost about 10 minutes or so. When I came to I was a little disoriented and didn't know what happened. Once I realized I did my best to rest the rest of the day. For the rest of the day I was having small ones where I was awake, but I my mind would stray and have small what I call dreams with a twist. My mind goes off into a tantrum and all of a sudden I remember dreams that I supposedly had but never blacked out for. At the same time I am confused about my surroundings. It is hard to explain. I had one similar, but worse, last year when I was dehydrated and tired so I figured I just pumped too much and am not drinking enough to rehydrate. Kind of pointless to go to the doctor because the last time they could not find anything, they never can unless you are actually having the seizure at that time. So that is why I look so out of it in the pic. I went to take milk, saw him for a minute and went home for the rest of the day to rest. Next day I felt good as new, scared of having another one because it is really freaky, but much better. Anyway, let's see. Blake has been doing well. He got to take his first bottle the other day. The speech therapist gave him his first one of 10 cc's and I got to give him his night one. He is getting bolas feeds now where he gets all 32 cc's over 1 hr through his feeding tube. They then stepped him up to 44 over 1 1/2 hrs. So he is handling it pretty well. They started the bottles on 10 cc's so that he could just get used to sucking swallowing and breathing. He LOVED the bottle. He took all of the milk. He still spits up and actually threw up all over the place yesterday but I think it was because we had been moving him around too much. I gave him his bath Friday night and he decided to poop in his nice clean blanket and cover himself in it after the bath so I had to wipe him down again before I could get him dressed. He's a pooper, just like his daddy.lol He has also given me several peepee showers. I have learned and cover his little peter up before each diaper change so he can't get me. He did get his nurse last night though and covered his bed so she had to change the blankets.