5-21-08

I got to hold Blake at lunch today. He did so good the whole time except for one apnea issue. One of his monitors started to go off and show an apnea attack where his heart rate dropped to 44. I have never seen him go below 90 on one when I am around. The nurse first thought it might be a fluke and watched it closely while I patted his back to stimulate him. He came back up and then dropped again this time on both monitors. It took me patting and rubbing his back for a little bit for him to come back around. The nurse checked him over and all his tubing and said he was ok. I am glad she was sittingh there with us when it happened. They said I was really calm, but inside I was freaking out. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do if his heart rate didn't start dropping and I had to hand him over to the nurse. See they tape all the tubes to the robe that I wear and he is wrapped up really sung under several layers of material to keep him warm while he is out of the incubator and against me. So if I had to hand him over, I had no clue on how to do it quickly and safely. My head was going a million miles a minute thinking about what I should do, but I stayed calm and did what I know while at the same time, I thought about what I might have to do and how to get it done quickly. Well he recovered and did great the rest of the time. Slept nice and snug against my chest. The nurse told me that I had 5 minutes left and two minutes later, sure enough, Blake decided time was up and started to d-sat. Once I started to take him off my chest I could feel that he had the hiccups. That is why his oxygen levels were dropping. But it never fails, as soon as 30 minutes is over he is done and tells you so. So we picked up my Mother's Day present that my parents and grandmother got me. It is a silver disc charm from James Avery that has a B engraved on the front for Blake and on the back is his birthday. It took a few weeks to get the engraving done and back in. I will be wearing it all the time. They started him on his second shot today. Now he is getting two shots three times a week. The first one is vitamin A and the second is the medicine for his bone marrow that is supposed to help promote red blood cell growth. The down side to it is that it can thicken the blood and cause problems so they will be watching his blood work closely to see how he responds to it. They have also started him on a continuous feed where he will have a tube that goes all the way into the beginning of his intestines. He will get 6 1/2 cc's every hour on the hour using drops of milk. They want to see if it helps because there is a posibility that when he is fed, he is aspirating some of the milk back into his lungs and which is causing extra fluid. When they feed him he has to be on his back or side and he does not like that at all. He flings his arms around and pushes with his legs. Luckily he was in a good mood when I held him because he had not yet gotten his shots.
This evening when we went in I got to give him his bath. Me, I got to do it. I thought I was just going to get to watch. I was so suprised when she told me i was doing it. I was so nervous. I wanted to make sure I did it correctly and quick enough because he gets cold easily. He doesn't like his baths very much. He tells me so by whimpering, crying and waving his arms and legs. I did get to see his new beautiful blonde hair that has come in. When I finished his bath, the nurse had me hold him up in the incubator so that she could change out his bedding. I held him in my hands close to the side of the incubator so that I could see his eyes and talk to him. He was wide awake the entire time. Every time my mom tried to take his picture he would shut his eyes tight and make a face. He doesn't like the lights and flashes from cameras. The best part of the night for me was at that moment. As I talked to him, he stared at me and smiled. He had his chin strap on so he was trying his hardest to smile at me. It looked like a little joker smile because all he could get up was the corners and bottom of his mouth. It was so precious. I thought I was seeing things so I kept talking to him in that mommy style voice and he kept smiling at me. He was so calm and happy until I had to put him back down and then he started crying again. That one little smile made my entire night.